new at this - kids keep talking about OW, struggling to keep it together

[sparklyDMs]

I think I may just need to offload, but any tips on how to stay sane would be appreciated. Stbxh left to move in with OW a few months ago and the DC's have just started staying over at their house EOW. My DD keeps talking about OW and thinks I should try to be friends with her, which given the fact that she has broken up my family is not really on the cards. There is a lot of ex and OW buying stuff and I'm hearing a lot about how great they are.

I'm just finding it very hard when a conversation with DD may suddenly have "well, OW does it like this..." thrown in.
Emotionally I feel beaten up and I'm finding it hard to be stoical.

I am also of the opinion that she is trying to make it all ok again.

Thanks everyone
Babyganoush, I think that's a nice thought that maybe OW has to put up with DD talking about me!
Joskar and Blackeyedsheep, it's true, DD is a lovely girl she always tries to fix any disharmony

My two DC did this a lot when they first started doing overnight with at the OW's. I followed the advice from people on here and deflected a lot - it hurt but thankfully it's calmed down now and they don't really talk about her much.

I'll be honest, I'd struggle to stay as magnanimous in your position, op. You don't necessarily have to insult the ow, much as you'd like to, but if your dd is praising ow for something I would say "I'm sure that's nice dear, but I really don't want to hear about her" or if she suggests being friends with her I would say something like "no chance dear, that's never going to happen". Not offensive, not insulting, but your daughter is almost a teenager and needs to start realising that the ow is officially persona non grata in your house.

I have this from both sides. I am NOT the OW, I met my DH a year after his first wife left him (she had an affair) but his/their dd lives with us. Even though her DM is spectacularly crap and let's her down frequently (we have to mop up the tears) she also tells us endlessly about every detail of her weekends with her DM. Your kids will be doing the same at your ex's. If that isn't motivation enough to keep on being super mum I don't know what is. As pp's have said you are doing the right thing biting your tongue, and your kids security and confidence is shining through, all credit to you.

OTOH, my own dd goes to my ex's every other weekend and for the last 11 years I too have had to listen to how fabulous OW is. Drives me bats. But I have also had all the info about every row they've ever had, financial disaster, decorating disaster etc. I'm not that interested but there is a level of smugness. Now dd is a teenager with fully formed and expressed opinions of her own, she is realising that OW isn't that great after all, and will never love her like her own mum does. Smugness x 1000000.

Stay strong, it will pay off.