I have a lawyers appointment tomorrow

[BoringlyRestrictive]

I know I'm all over this forum like a cheap suit. And that I'm just repeating myself. And some people are bored of me. And others are so helpful but I have few people I can speak to IRL. And I feel very tense and heavy.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a lawyer to discuss and find out as much as I can about where I stand and what I can do going forward with this divorce.

I have a million questions.
It's a fixed fee appointment with no time limit.

I feel sick and tired. I feel like this first step is monumental but at the same time it's just an appointment isn't it?
All the heavy lifting is still to come.

I needed to share and have a hand hold I guess.
Why do I feel, that with all his shitty behaviour that I am the one responsible for splitting up our family?

You are not responsible for splitting up the family. He is. He will accuse you no doubt - because you are 'committing' the crime of going to a solicitor. There is only one person, however, who has forced you in to it.

It is a big step, going to see a lawyer, but also an achievement. You have to be strong to get out of this situation. It is also good to see a professional who understands the situatin. I don't know your history, but be honest about what your H is like... if he is abusive/ hostile/ aggressive... they need to know in order to decide how to proceed. Good luck and well done.

situation

Good luck tomorrow . Its hard when you are the one who has to be proactive, especially if you feel that its another persons behaviour that has ruined it.

Are you prepared to get the most out of the appointment? Use mumsnet to rant, use the societies to find out the practicalities/law.

Have you got your info on incoming a/outgoings up together and listed your questions in order of importance?

My list of questions looks like a drunken ramble through the fields of 'what the fuck is happening'....

As far as income and outgoings go I don't know all the details. I know his ballpark figure of income. But not the exact figure (I never actually asked).

Once we split I will become the single mum to 2 kids under 5 and will have to claim benefits until I finish my course and qualify and can work. So I intend to rely fully on that with no help from him as I think it will not come easily.

There's so much to ask and so much I'm sure I will forget. Need to organise my questions properly.

They will probably structure the appointment mostly - the lawyer will have information that they need to get from you in order to best advise you, so it shouldn't all have to be driven by you.

He has to pay child mince as he is the children's father. Don't give up on that.

Yes I am aware he has to but I wouldn't be at all surprised if he takes a demotion and basically ensures e earns less.

He is the type who is afraid of hard work and will survive on the bones of his arse all the time. So I know that he will definitely take a demotion as he hates the level he is working at currently.
Wouldn't surprise me at all if he went back to self employed and earned the bare minimum.
He won't agree with the CSA calculation at all. So I'll have to resign myself to paying the fee if I'm going to get any decent amount out of him.

Sad

The fact that he would be prepared to do that, to see his children suffer basically for pure spite, is a further confirmation that you're doing the right thing.

Do you ever see him bring payslips home or come by post? If so, I'd have a dig. However if you own your home then a mortgage statement would be more useful.

He will either do what I said before OR he will pay up on time every penny but then attempt to dictate how it spent and will constantly question everything to make sure it is spent on the 'children' and not on me or saved - he actually seems to hate savings!
I've realised he is a strange man.

Kids off to bed so I'm gonna write my questions more coherently and then probably leave them on the dining table and look like an ill prepared moron tomorrow

How did your appointment go???

Thanks for asking.

It was good. I now have a much greater understanding of my rights and what can or can't be done by him.

I have a better understanding of what he can and can't do.

I do feel more confident and better informed.

I feel very very sad. If I'm honest. Extremely sad. I gave this my everything and tried so hard but it doesn't work. Feel like I've failed