Problems With My Sister..... Again.

[Toothache]

Maybe a few people remember a short time ago I posted a thread (under my old name M2T) about my sister. Her boyfriend had allegedly assaulted her, parents called to her house.... boyfriend arrested.... she went to the station the next morning, dropped the charges and all was forgotten!!

Well.... she's done it again.

I got a call last night at 11pm from my Mum. She said she was up at my sisters flat and that her boyfriend had 'allegedly' assaulted her and left. My sister had gotten violent with my Mum and threw and ironing board at her.... my Mum had slapped her to calm her down and my sister had phoned 999 to have my MUM arrested!!!!

My sister gets very violent and confrontational with alcohol and ....yes... she was drunk. As she was the last time she accused her boyfriend of assaulting her.

I live 20 miles away, have no car and I'm 7mths pregnant. I didn't understand why my Mum phoned me, but realised she was probably scared. She was waiting until the police arrived. Meanwhile my sister is running around outside screaming that my Mum had 'battered' her. Next thing I hear the door, I asked if that was her back in, Mum said Yes. Next thing I hear my sister shouting, "Who the F*k are you on the phone to??? Get off the fking phone." My Mum told her it was me and she said "What the f*k are you phoning her for".... there was a lot of rustling, then the phone went dead.

I tried to phone back, but it was switched off. I panicked, but I knew the police were on their way (even if it was for the wrong person). I phoned the local police station to check they were nearly there and to explain about the phonecall I had just had.

I finally got an answer on my Mum's mobile and told her I had spoken to the police. I could hear my sister muttering in the background. My Mum then cracked up at me asking Why I'D phoned the Police!!!!!?!?!? I explained that I was scared for her and she just said "You're sisters fine now".... I felt SO stupid and confused. What was I meant to do???

Everytime my sister acts like this I get really scared for my Mum & Dad, but the second she calms down it's all forgotten and SOMEHOW I ended up on the bad side of my Mum for trying to do what I could to help.

I'm angry, confused, fed-up and desperate about the whole situation.

My sister needs help, I don't believe that her boyofriend has actually assaulted her EVER. She has always been a liar and an attention-seeker. But for my Mum to panic me like that and then turn it around the minute my sister calms down?

Did I do something wrong? Why won't anyone hold my sister responsible for her own actions? My Mum fell out with me for a week for telling her she was wrong to give my son Peanut Butter...... yet my sister can assault her and try to get her arrested and the next day all is forgiven.

I have reached a point where I actually wish my sister would leave us all alone. I actually said to DH that I wished she would just die in her sleep, like putting an animal out of it's misery. I haven't even seen her since my wedding last year and don't want to. But I know if I say that to my Mum then suddenly sis will be the martyr and I'll be the bad sister for refusing to see her.
She takes cocaine too, which is probably responsible for a lot of her actions.

NB: My Dad knows nothing about this incident as he works 500 miles away during the week, so Mum was alone.

Why did my Mum make a fool of me like that? I just want to get on my quiet-ish family life in peace. I was dragged into this last night and was left feeling stupid, hurt and used by my own Mum.

Rant over.... just needed to type all that out.

Oh gosh what a mess your sister is in. Agree with others you need to distance yourself from her. I think your line "why won't anyone hold my sister repsponsible for her actions?" very insightful (is that a word). She does need to start taking responsibility - after all she's a grown up- and it sounds as if she's still expecting others to bail her out. I think even if your parents won't- you can tell her/your mum that you're not prepared to become embroiled with her until she does start talking responsibility for her life.

Much sympathy= sounds a nghtmare.

Am fine Toothache thanks - well as fine as I can be, fat, hot and grumpy most of the time!!

I think you should say that you are not having visitors at the hospital (do you know how long you are going to be in) - I am saying this I will have DP, DD and my best friend who is coming into the labour room with me but no family or other friends - I don;t want the hassle and to be honest my sister will still be trying to make me feel bad for having a happy healthy child when she hasn;t been able to and this pregnancy has that hanging over it and I don't want the first days/hours of Max's life to feel like that too.

If you feel that she has to come speak to a midwife or nurse and tell them your fears and how your sister is - you could even go as far as saying that you would prefer not to have her round your new born baby if she is drinking and taking stuff - probably what I would do!!

You need to stand up for this and think of you - believe me I had ILs with me 10 minutes after DD was born and it ruined it completely!!

Email me if you want to XXX

Toothache - how did the visit from your Mum go? (or did I miss it when speed reading - sorry if so).

Just wanted to ask if your Dad knows anything about all this - if he is out of the loop cos he works far away, is he being kept in the picture when he returns? Does your Sister respect your Dad? Has he tried to talk to her?

She does sound a complete nightmare and my thoughts are with you Toothache. Would you be able to tell your Mum you want nothing to do with any further incidences (as you say, there is nothing you can do about it anyway from where you are and being pregnant too), and if she calls you - it sounds harsh, but put the phone down? If she calls back - then she definitely needs your help, if she doesn't, then she doesn't.

Alternatively, how about you speak to your Mum and agree a codeword. If your Mum calls to tell you your Sister is kicking off again - and she tells you the password, it is the signal for you to call the police.

I am thinking that if you call the police after the codeword has been given and your Mum starts on again - remind her that the password was a pre-arranged thing and that she said it to you - therefore making her responsible. Does that make sense? I don't know if that is a bit extreme, but I am just trying to think of things to protect you. Good luck and let us know what happens. x

Hello everyone. Haven't been online for a wee while as I was off work from Thursday afternoon with a tummy bug.

Update: My Mum phoned me and apologised for calling me. She said she didn't mean to make it sound like I shouldn't have phoned the police and she was just uptight as she had only just managed to shut my sister up. The police arrive and my sister admitted to them the her boyfriend had not assaulted her and neither had my Mum. My Mum said the police were fantastic and really gave my sister a piece of their mind.

My Mum left just after the police. My sister phoned my Mum the next day to say sorry (highly unusual for her!!). My Mum told her she needed help and perhaps she could go to her GP. My sister agreed! This too is unusual.

My Mum arrived at my door later on Friday and explained it all to me again and apoligised for phoning me and scaring me. She said she realised the minute she phoned that it was the wrong thing to do.

I explained to my Mum that I didn't want to have anything more to do with my sister as long as she is the way she is. And that if possible I'd prefer her not to come to the hospital. I haven't heard anything else about it.

My Dad clearly doesn't know about this as I spoke to him yesterday. My sister doesn't respect anyone unfortunately, including my Dad.

I really hope she DOES go to the GP. I imagine he may conclude she is depressed. But she is alienating herself from everyone.... so there's nothing more we can do.

Thanks for all the wonderful advice.

Really glad things have turned out like this toothache and I hope that she goes and gets help.

Now sit back and think of yourself and be strict when it comes to her coming to the hospital - if needs be tell the nurses about her and that you don;t want her visiting!!

Good Luck and Big Hugs XXX