Silent treatment or dead

[Ladywithavan]

I wrote about this before. I've been in an on off relationship for some time and the last time I saw my 'ex' was in November. I haven't heard or seen him since. I sent him a text about a week after that and got no reply. At the time I thought 'sod you then' as he has history for cutting people out of his life. However as time went on I began to wonder if he was actually ok? I sent a couple of emails, one fairly recently and again got no reply. He's not on social media so I can't even see if he's ok that way. We have no mutual friends.
At this point I'm reluctant to call him or visit him as it's likely he has dumped me by silence and I could get more hurt by his response.
But I am thinking about it a lot.
What should I do?

Did you post about him before, sounds familiar?

He. Is. Not. Interested.

Not trying to be harsh but you need to move on.

He has got a strange outlook on life and does it with other people. I think he probably does have some mild undiagnosed mental health issues. I just wish I didn't care so much as its hurt me many times. We've obviously shared a lot of good times otherwise it wouldn't have lasted so long and there does seem to be reciprocal feelings and chemistry....but he broods over odd things and then pulls the plug.

Hmm is this how men are these days, glad I'm not in the dating game or otherwise.. anymore.
OP - dont chase him ! Move on.

I won't chase him, but I really wish I knew how to move on.
The very nature of our relationship, on and off , has conditioned me into thinking that it's not over yet and there will probably be a round 5 or 6 or that at the very least he will be in touch again somewhere down the line....if he's not dead of course.
I don't want this but my feelings are all over the place and I hate myself for still being in love with him.

Do you think he's thinking 'oh i haven't heard from lady for a while, wonder if she's ok'? It seems highly unlikely that he's concerned about you and therefore he doesn't deserve your thoughts. You need something to distract you when you think of him and to fill your time so that if he tries to make contact you can tell him to shove off because you're too busy having a good time without him. Take up a new hobby, reconnect with old friends, start dating new people, do anything but don't sit around waiting for him.

Thanks. I'll try.

Thing is op he doesn't care about you as harsh as it sounds. I'm sorry he's a dimwit. Hes conditioning you...you know that dont you he knows he can always go back to you. I hope you wise up and see him for what he is.

If he wanted to be with you he would be. You could have years more of an on/off relationship.

Do you really think this is the best you can do? Don't you want a relationship that's 'on' all the time with someone who actually cares?

Yes I do. Just that I wanted it with him.
Anyway, onwards and upwards. My main point of posting today was to get some perspective from you kind folk on my thoughts about him actually being dead. Of course that can't possibly be answered, but when I take all things into consideration such as him dumping me before, giving other people the silent treatment and the laws of probability I have come to the conclusion that the pillock is probably still alive and well.
I was feeling guilty but I'm not now.
Thanks.

What a nasty guy.

Can you sit down and write him a letter saying goodbye? Don't send it. Just take your moment to have closure. Box up anything of his you have and take it to a charity shop. Buy Marie Kondo's book, have a declutter, take up a new hobby and be happy. You deserve so much more.

If you have been together a few years, it is unusual that you don't share any mutual friends.

However news travels fast. You would know if he had died.

Why are you willing to entertain a future of more of this shit! You need to move on and maintain no contact. The alternative is grim.

Thanks. That's what I intend to do.

What about doing this Freedom Programme that gets talked about on here? No experience but other posters may know about it?

I don't think I've necessarily suffered abuse and my self esteem is generally ok. I just have limerance for this person and have got myself into a weird mindset about him. I'm no contact now ( as I have been on the past) so hopefully I'll just tough it out. It's just bizarre behaviour but I should have seen it coming given his previous. I don't know what he gets out of it .
Do people really get off on some sort of weird power trip over one person?
I don't think it's just men either. I have a male friend who had a girlfriend who did this to him all the time as well.

Oh I didn't realise it was about abuse, for some reason I thought it dealt with just letting go.
Yes, of course men are on the receiving end of this too.

Tbh re your self esteem, I'm not sure what it is but it does seem to me that if you valued yourself more, youd have dumped him ages ago.

Yes that's true but sometimes these relationship dynamics can be subtle and the insidious, if that's the right word.
When you look at it in black and white then yes, dumped a few times should have made me dump him when I had the chance. But his disappearances and the endings were so odd that they were like a puzzle. He didn't leave me for anyone else, to my knowledge, so I rationalised that really he loved me but was a troubled soul.
Ridiculous I know, but we obviously shared some very close times, holidays etc so it makes no sense for the person to just switch their feelings off.
At least not to me.

Why are you looking for sense? There's very little sense in anything but least of all human beings.
A troubled soul is someone I'd run a mile from. My happiness is important to me. Just as well really.

Yes....nowt as strange as folk .

If you want to put your mind at rest can you ring him from someone else's phone, or call box? See if he answers.
My STBX has a habit of disappearing after getting stupid drunk, and it's something I've done in the past when I was worried.