Dividing up workload with a baby

[Elaheh]

Would like some opinions and advice with this situation...

My DH works full-time (demanding office job) I'm on mat leave. Our baby is 4months, still cries a lot and is only really happy when being held or in sling. So I have my hands full most of day.
DH is great with baby and helps a lot... but he likes to sleep in! Weekends he stays up until around 4am then sleeps in until noon. He doesn't see a problem with this, says he needs time to himself at night to relax, play PC games, watch films etc. My issue is I'm then on duty until around 1pm or later after yet another broken night (he needs an hour or so to wake up, have breakfast etc).
When baby was sleeping well this wasn't so bad but now we've hit sleep regression Baby sleeps around 11pm, often wakes at 2am, 5am and is up for day at 7am! So I'm shattered! I feel like my brain is full of fog and am resentful DH is still asleep when he CHOSE to stay up all night. I would love to have a lie-in occasionally but when I suggested he get up at 7am with baby sometimes (expressed milk in freezer) he thought I was joking
He said he needs time to himself in order to cope and is very protective of 'his' time. Apparently it's normal for mothers not to get much personal time the first year.

Actually I'm worried he's not coping well and maybe does 'need' this time. He seems sad and is drinking more, stopped exercising, is excessively worried about me and baby. He says if I were happier he would be too but I feel I'm only just keeping my head above water. Toying with idea of Sertraline (?PND) but worried I'll feel even more tired and fuzzy.

I feel I'm not being a good wife at the moment, house is always a mess, back-log of laundry, rarely manage to cook as he's home late so no-one to watch baby. Baby will sit in bouncer for approx 5mins before crying. So he gets home to ready-meals (or half-cooked/burnt meals because I have to stop cooking to comfort baby)! I know I'm often snappy and grumpy and must be hard to live with, I'm just so tired trying to keep afloat.

Is this normal? My friends think it is. Any tips for coping?

The OP is also pulling her weight in a rather crucial department, called 'keeping the baby alive'. Babies also don't grow on trees. She's entitled to a lie in too.

If he's staying up till 4am, he can DEFINITELY DEFINITELY deal with the baby's 2am waking, at least.

Personally I'd go down the mirroring route.

Spell it out that he's had X hours to himself in the X box making him sleep in by X hours. Therefore tomorrow you will be taking X hours to yourself and sleeping in by X hours as that's only fair.

Shouldn't take long for him realise he's being a twat.

What was he like before your baby arrived?

All time with kid/housework is work just as much as office work. Unless you are ill, the only fair concept for a couple once you have kids is equal leisure time. If you had a hard pregnancy/birth/c section you count as ill and your DH should be doing more than you to enable you to recover. Simple.

If your DH is indeed depressed, the last thing he needs is bizarre sleep patterns and booze.

My dh has a demanding office job.
He still pulls his Weight with the baby. Today for example I did the 1 and 5 am feed and change. He did the 7 am nappy explosion and entertained the small person till 9 ish to let me sleep , then brought tea in bed.
The rest of the day was spent tag teaming - " right you want to cook and I'll play with him or vice versa?"
Your dh probably does need a lie in. But so do you! If he's a night owl then he could do a late feed for example to let you sleep.

He's not pulling his weight and he's passive aggressive sulking to keep it that way. Time for an honest conversation where you work out where both of you get a break.