My DH would rather jerk off alone than have sex with me.

[hadenoughofit37]

It has been destroying me for a while. We do it maybe 2-5 times a year. We have two children. We went sexless for 2 years after DS2 was born. Been with him for 18 years, never married due to the lack of intimacy. Went out with a friend last week and got loads of attention!

I am a size 12/14, a SAHM and he works a 3 hour commute away. I raised the subject last night with him and he said he would rather jerk off to porn. He was even laughing about it!!

He said the reason he wanks is:
a) no pressure.
b) its quick.
c) He is tired and uses it to go to sleep!

We sleep separately and he has been violent to me in the past. Is it vain of me to split up the family because of this?

About £55k each but I put £17k deposit down from a house I previously owned so hopefully I should get that as well. I do not wish to stay in the house if we split, there are other reasons I do not want to stay living where I do - nothing to do with my partner. I would not want my son to change schools so will have to live close to where I am. Actually, writing it all down like that makes me realise that I could be financially independent, especially if I get a part-time job but I think I would struggle to get a mortgage on my own without a full-time job.

You have a good chunk of money there. What are property prices like where you live? Is there anything in writing re your deposit or share of the property? You will have Child Maintenance too. There is an online calulator. You have a really good self employed income which you may be able to grow, but a part time job might help with a mortgage as you say.

Plus no one will be beating you or killing your self-esteem!

Thanks for allyour help kitty. They are 210k - 250k for 3 bed semi within 5 miles of school. Hopefully he will let me go as I think it is just cruel to keep going on, cannot believe I stuck it for this long. I think the problem is the incompatibility sexually. He is not violent constantly but around once / tice a year. Last time I ended up with a black eye. I always say that is it I am leaving completely but I just do not know how, something has clicked and I just think it is now time to go.

Hopefully he will let me go

He doesn't have to 'let you go'. You are an adult who can end a relationship if you wish, for any reason you like.

Again, he doesn't decide if you can end the relationship. And it sounds like you have every reason to end it OP. Don't look back and blame yourself for staying too long etc... just start making plans to get rid. Good luck.

He won't 'let you go' because bad bastards like this rarely do. But you will go anyway. You don't need his permission. You have put up with way to much. Let yourself go x

I'd leave him, he obviously don't find you attractive anyone if he would rather watch porn, it's an insult to say the least!

anymore*

champsmummy I don't think that comment was helpful or comforting in any way

He with holds sex from you as a form of punishment/control. It has absolutely nothing to do with if he finds you attractive or not.

He is abusive and for your own sanity (and your children's you have to leave)

He will have to pay child support and you will be able to get tax credits. And your income from your website isn't half bad. Factor in 25% discount for your council tax too.

Choceclare Well it is true if he'd rather watch porn than sleep with her.

Champs this guy is abusive it's nothing to do with her beauty you fool.

I don't know why you're getting aggressive and calling me a fool, keyboard warrior lol

Champs is upset as her thread didn't go how she wanted so is now posting nasty stuff for some reason.

OP I hope you are OK, keep posting as you will get the majority of posters giving you lots of support you are not at fault at all and are doing the right thing, don't worry about the odd negative comment on here.

Champs can't believe you are actually still persisting with your nasty bullshit comment.

OP has a violent, abusive "partner"!! How the hell has her looks got anything to do with him watching porn?!

You poor thing. This is not a relationship. The only thing 'splitting up a family' is his abusive detachment

Oh and we should all stop giving Champs the attention they don't deserve.
OP, you say you have no family, is there anyone else you have?

You poor poor thing. This is no life, for you OR your kids. It's hell on earth.

Do the Freedom Programme, op - Women's Aid will recommend it anyway, it will give you a huge confidence boost. Women's Aid will support you all the way.

It's a shame you're not married - i'd love to see him pay for what he's put you through. As it is, you don't need his permission to leave. Get everything prepared first on the quiet, don't let him know what you are planning. Leaving an abusive relationship is notoriously the danger time - don't be a statistic op.

Women's Aid will give you advice and support to work out a safe exit plan (details also on their website). Women's Aid 0808 2000 247, call at night, 7pm-7am if possible, or email. Delete your internet history, change passwords etc - but you are tech savvy and should have no problem with that.

Get out op

Long overdue to go OP, any person that treats you this horribly isn't worth sticking around for.

Are you ok op?

And he's been violent I've just seen.

OP get out, you appear to have a decent amount of cash to do that.

You really have to go.

I struggle to understand what is keeping you in.
How do you feel about ending the relationship?