Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My stomach is churning and I feel sick

37 replies

Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 12:42

There is something that I have been keeping from you and it is eating me
up -- I wanted to wait until after Xmas until I talked about it, but I
now realise that my personal conduct is deteriorating under the strain
of ignoring it. We'll talk about it tonight.

Dh has just sent me this e-mail. We had a huuuge row last night. I'd say the worst we have ever had.
I am sick with worry.

OP posts:
DingdongMegaLegsonhigh · 18/12/2006 12:45

Are you the same lady that posted about scratching your dh last night? Hope you're ok. Sorry but your dh is out of order sending an email like that and making you wait all day and worry.

kittylettekissingsanta · 18/12/2006 12:46

sorry hun cant help with the content of it, cant you ring him?

i agree with dingdong, its really horrid to do this to you

Listmaker · 18/12/2006 12:47

I agree what is the point of sending an e-mail like that? I'd phone him and tell him to get home right now and explain! You are going to be so wound up by tonight that any reasonable discussion might be difficult.

Are you the same person who scratched their dh? I wondered that too.

Have you any idea what he might be talking about? Has be been acting differently lately?

Original poster
Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 12:52

No I haven't been on MN all weekend.
I was having a terrible time last night.

I can't bring dh home, he's in the centre of London somewhere, 2 hours away.

Part of me doesn't want to let him know how upsetting this is. I have so much to do today - I'm not going to get anything done. I've tried phoning my close friends but they're all working. I don't know what to do.
We've got two very small children

OP posts:
scatterbrain · 18/12/2006 12:52

Oh that is a rotten thing to do !!

But looking on the bright side - it could be work related - maybe redundancy or a relocation - might not be anything to do with your relationship ?? If he's stressed about work then maybe that's why you aren't getting on ??

What else are you thinking it could be ? An affair ?

Troutpout · 18/12/2006 12:54

oh...how horrible for you to have this hanging over you all day

Original poster
Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 12:54

Work would be obvious but he's just been relocated into London in Noevember. I've been lead to believe everything is going great.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 12:56

I feel like ringing dm, I know she would be home but that could be the worst mistake ever.

OP posts:
Listmaker · 18/12/2006 12:56

What was the row about last night? Could it be related to that? I don't like the sound of it if work is OK? Could he be seeing someone else?

Mercy · 18/12/2006 12:58

Unfortunately some people just aren't very good at communicating - but this a pretty unfair way of letting you know something's wrong.

Was it something you rowed about last night do you think? Have you noticed anything different in your relationship?

Poor you

LucyLemon · 18/12/2006 13:00

Feelreallysick
Had you suspected he was keeping something from you? It sounds as though he is using this as an explanation of his poor behaviour last night.
I really hope that this 'secret' is something that you can both get over...but until you know what it is you are in limbo.
I really feel for you.
Could it be an admission of an affair - surely that is the worst case scenario?
Or perhaps mounting debt? Slightly more manageable I suppose.

kittylettekissingsanta · 18/12/2006 13:01

do you think its related to your finaces or relationship?

to me, the worst thing would be an affair,

but it may be a money cut - pay loss or something, you can see why he would want to leave that till after xmas,

i know a job loss, or something similar isnt ideal, but it may be something like that, not nessecerially the 'thing' we are all hoping its not,

hugs to you hunny, we are all here for you xxx

Original poster
Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 13:02

No I haven't noticed anything different atall. That's why part of me is beginning to feel like an idiot for not noticing.

Basically, he was being an arse yesterday and got completely bladdered. It wasn't anything in particular but he was winding me up womthing chronic and it exploded last night after the children went to bed. Honestly the vitriol that was pouring out of him was shocking, really shocking. He was a different man.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 18/12/2006 13:04

It's very cruel and unfair to leave you hanging like that. And controlling if you ask me. You poor thing.

Perhaps he's done it that way so you imagine all sorts of things and then the actual news itself won't seem that bad?

Have you emailed back at all?

CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark · 18/12/2006 13:04

What was the row about last night?

I would reply to the email with "if it's important enough to send an email with such worrying content, it's important enough for you to come home now to discuss it." because I am impatient and narky.

I really hope it's something that is worrying to him, but not enormous and lifechanging for you.

moonshine · 18/12/2006 13:05

Poor you. Maybe the vitriol was caused by a guilty conscience about whatever it is he needs to offload tonight.

ashamedofmyself · 18/12/2006 13:06

I'm not the same person as Feelreallysick.
Seems I'm not the only one who had a row last night . We'll be feeling sick together today.
Do you think it could be connected to whatever the row was about last night? It might not be as bad as you think, try not to worry.

Original poster
Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 13:07

No I've just em-mailed him and said he better tell me something now or I'm taking the children out of nursery and bringing them to dm.
It's miles and miles away.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 18/12/2006 13:07

That's a really unfair email to send. He might be so wrapped up in what's bugging him that he doesn't realise what a stressful position he's put you in, but still ...

RantInEMinor · 18/12/2006 13:33

agree with NQC. you need to find out what he has to say and if you threaten to walk out and not be there when gets back you are potentially prolonging the agony. I know it's maddening and unfair on you but I think you just need to sit and wait for him to come home and tell you what this is all about. Use the time to mentally prepare yourself.

Good luck love.

bluejelly · 18/12/2006 13:41

Good luck too
Try and keep yourself busy as possible until you speak
Thinking of you, that kind of email would drive me completely nuts too!

Original poster
Feelreallysick · 18/12/2006 14:43

He has e-mailed me back. We are going to talk tonight, he was fairly reassuring.

He was still an arse yesterday though

OP posts:
kittylettekissingsanta · 18/12/2006 14:47

did he give you any idea of what it was about?

expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 14:49

I slapped my ex bf.

To be hair, though, he pinned me up against a wall and shouted Bitch at me in my face.

Actually, I was showing excellent restraint.

He scared me so bad I wanted to smack his head in w/a metal pan.

DingDongDraculaOnHigh · 18/12/2006 14:53

my dh was like this once, he had a horrible personality change and was vile

I was terrified he had been doing something awful but we had it out one night and it turned out he had been smoking and hiding it from me so that when he was at home he was a miserable sod because he wanted a cigarette

I was fucking livid NOT because he was smoking but because he was lying to me.

Hopefully it is something like that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread