I have made such a cock up I am a complete idiot.
So I went on a works do in November and my colleague brought her brother. I have met him a couple of times as she has brought him to a few work things before.
It was my first night out since my DH passed away a year ago and I went a bit mad and drank too much. He was flirting with me and I was flattered as no-one usually pays me any attention. After the night out I went to his with his sister and he offered to let me stay at his rather than trying to get a taxi.
I agreed and I continued drinking at his. Eventually his sister fell asleep and I don't remember the exact details but we went to his room to have sex.
Once we had sex I got upset because I had only ever had sex with my DH, he insisted that I had to go home and he drove me back to mine (he hadn't been drinking)
I had a suspicion that I was pregnant last week so I took the test and I am. I had to beg his sister to give me his number and I called him and told him and he was disgusted and he told me I was a horrible slit and insisted it wasn't his. I said it had to be but he won't accept it and he told me that he would never get involved in this game and I had to terminate it now of it was his then he hung up and has ignored me since.
I have so so messed up, I have 3 other DCs who are still struggling with the loss of their dad. The only help I get is from PILs but if I'm pregnant by another man they might hate me and leave me with no-one.
I can't believe I was so stupid and I don't know what to do now. It would be better to have an abortion but I don't think I can do it. But I'm not sure what else i can do.