Am I being too demanding?

[Teenagecrisisagain]

Currently I'm depressed and having therapy for PTSD

If im honest, im a mess. On a 'good' day I'm just functioning. On bad days which there have been many I cry, have panic attacks and flashbacks and can't sleep.
Dh has been wonderful but I think it's a lot for him to cope with

Today was awful. I think I may be irritating him. He has gone to bed in dds room and I'm in our room. I'm so lonely and I have been willing him to come into our room but he hasn't.i assume he doesn't want to be near me and it hurts
Maybe I should just go and ask him ? Maybe he thinks I want to be alone as I was so grumpy. I went downstairs to tidy for a bit hoping he would come down but he didn't

I'm so lonely and so, so miserable

I don't know what to do. I feel like my behaviour is pushing him away and annoying him but I can't get myself out of this. I wake up feeling desperate and have got to the point where I'm concentrating so hard each day to just function and it's hard. When I get upset I can tell he doesn't know what to say. He tries but I can see it's draining him

Do I leave him or go and get him? I'm so so lonely

If he is drained, let him sleep tonight.
You try and sleep too.

I just don't know if he wants to be alone or if he thinks I want to be

Clearly communication is not great between us
I really just want a hug I feel so incredibly alone but obviously if he needs a break I don't want to irritate him further

I can't blame him for not wanting to be near me

All I've done the last couple of weeks is cry or have panic attacks. Seems the more I try and deal with the PTSD the worse I feel. Maybe I should have continued bottling it up as at least I didn't feel like this

Try phoning the Samaritans?

Back to GP for medicine review.

On line support groups.

Guided meditations / soothing music if that's your gig.

Cuddle a hot water bottle or pillow.

Journaling.

Try and get some back up plans in place.

I'm not sure if unloading to DP will help you if he doesn't know what to do with it, that sounds like it has contributed to your anxieties somewhat.

How about writing everything down to get it from your head.

Do you feel more able to express things in writing? When I'm ill and feel I've become a burden, or I can't tell if dp is needing space himself or giving me space, I find it easier to text him. Even if he is just lying on the other side of the bed. It sounds absurd, but sometimes it's just that bit easier to type and take the first step that way rather than to actually speak.