How do I deal with spying?

[YouLostMeThere]

I really want to post on here and get advice, and have done a couple of times before, but I know my H is spying on me. He reads my text messages, he looks at my web history, he's been going on MN recently and reading the boards, and made a point of telling me he'd been reading. But I think he does it on the quiet as well, and knows who I am and which are my posts. Which makes me want to write FUCK OFFFFFFFFF right now in case he's reading because it's such an invasion of privacy and a betrayal of trust. It makes me feel really desperate. How do I deal with this? How do I prevent him from knowing who i am (any tech-savy people, do tell me where I'm going wrong)? I do delete all my web history but maybe he's doing/reading/seeing some other information I don't know about??? I don't want to have to keep namechanging, it's like being chased and it's horrible. I want to be able to have a safe place to talk, to vent, to get support, without him watching over me. The irony of posting this post under the name that I think he knows has not escaped me, but I'm fed up with being spied on.

I agree to a certain extent Bobblehat. That's why I'd shared my experience upthread. I built up my confidence to trust myself again after my previous relationship thanks to feeling I could tell my DH my fears and that he understood and wanted to help me though it. It's hard when you can't trust your instincts. I just wanted to get better, rather than to control or be abusive to my DH.

Thought it worth sharing though to show the difference.

leave this link open in your browser

NC for this.(Have similar experience) It really is an invasion of privacy and betrayal of trust. I don't think snoopers realise how upsetting it is to the person they are shadowing on the internet, e-mail etc

"Listen not at the keyhole..lest ye be vexed".

I don't think there are any foolproof technical ways to stop him-you need to confront him and tell him how you feel.
It may not make a difference though if he feels entitled to monitor you.

An abuser will be glad to hear how it makes you feel. I wouldn't advise anyone to discuss their feelings with a controlling partner. Their aim is to mess with your feelings

Looks like I can learn things here and that I may have been overly naive in the past.

Wow. That's shocking.
If you're reading this - get a hobby and stop terrorising your wife you sad bastard!!

He already has a hobby. It's called terrorising his wife, sadly

Bobblehat10
I hear you with this but....
And it's a big BUT - this advice is usually given when a wife or GF suspects an affair.
I don't think I've seen advice to put a keylogger on his devices.
Just to have a look at his phone if you can to gather some evidence.
Or check phone bills if you can.
Never have seen advice to STALK someone like the OP's DH is doing.
Unfortunately women need something very 'solid' to end a relationship.
They need 'proof' before calling a halt to years of investment.
This guy is NOT doing that. He's really NOT.
This is all about control and that is NOT what wronged wives do.

Don't get me wrong. I am firmly in the 'privacy' camp. You CAN NOT generate trust and a loving relationship by constantly checking and stalking you partner.
This man is wrong, but so is all sorts of invasion of privacy, and I cannot support it, or advocate it.
I don't know if the partner is controlling or not - I'm not in a position to judge, but it seems to me that controller only has the control that is allowed. So if the OP is feeling this is wrong, it either has to stop, or the partners must separate.
No doubt easier said than done.