I was seeing someone I really liked for a short time, and I just felt an inkling feeling he was still on dating sites and talking to other women. Just nagging sense in me that he wasn't exclusively talking to me and although it was veyr early day (6 dates) I didn't like it and didn't sit well with me so I pulled away a bit.
I just had a bad feeling, although I really liked him, and i didn't want to be checking up on someone and not feeling like i was the only girl in his life. So I split up with him over it, I didn't say why but I just ultimately felt like he wasn't being truthful and was playing the field a bit and lo and behold within a few days he was snapped by some other girl on Instagram and I connected the dots and she was also someone from online dating.
So, I am not sure where the line of cheating is but he'd definitely been lining up options and to me that felt like being dishonest. Yes, we had said we were exclusive, as we'd been talking online for a couple of months before we had our first date and we'd both said we preferred to date on that basis.
So while he didn't sleep with her before we split, he was definitely talking to her and it was a matter of time before something happenned.
Not nice obviously, and I was very angry and upset even though it was early days as I felt it disrespectful and also a massive turn off but he was very apologetic and seemed sincerely to be pretty upset (and suprised) that he'd hurt me.
He didn't outright lie...but he definitely skirted the truth.
So I found out and big blow out where he admitted basically that although he hadn't met anyone else when he was seeing me, he had been talking to a few other girls and that he knew it wasn't 100% right as he felt quite guilty about it but his ego ran away with him. He said he'd never done anything like that before, it was his first experience with OLD, and that while the attention was intoxicating it had made him feel awful and he would never want to behave that way again.
I ahev to say, he actually looked guilty at times, so I don't think it sat well with him. I could cerainly sense something was up and while I knew he wasn't seeing anyone else as we new where we were all the time, I efinitely sensed he wasn't being 100% open.
He did ask me right away to get back together, and he ended it after a week with this other girl, but I was very angry and didn't talk to him for ages. I felt particularly angry as I'd told all the other OLD men that I was seeing someone and cut off communication. I felt a total fool really.
So for a few months now he has been slowly trying to make amends and show that all he wants is me, and I do believe he is not seeing anyone else and is truly sorry. In a way, we are actually closer from it, it caused him to open up about feeling insecure and aout his life and past and it brought us to be closer friends in a strange way.
I have arranged this weekend to meet up with him for the first time, and obviously it's taken a lot of talking and stuff to get to that point but i am still angry, jealous, mistrusting and wanted to know how you get past that?
At times I feel fantastic and excited and great towards him and so glad we're getting a "clean slate" and other times I worry that I have set myself up to be taken for a fool twice.
I know if i am going to do this it has to be a fresh start and second chance to get it right, but I also don't want to completely do his head in going on about the past.
I just have so many questions.
Like if he really liked me...why / how could he even want to talk to other girls?
Like how he could jump into bed with her immeditely when we split up?
Like the thought of him with her, kissing her, everything makes me feel sick still.
I know this isn't quite "cheating" in the textbook sense, but to me it was certainly something close to it.
Has anyone got any tips or ideas for how I get past this, how I move on from it, how we make the best of this second chance, how I get rid of the residual insecure feeling it gave me and what I should be asking for from him at this stage?
Is it reasonable for example to ask him to completely remove all his dating profiles and unfriend / block this woman on everything? He is still friends with her which really annoys me!!! But I am obviously not his wife, this was 6 dates, so I am not sure what I should be doing.
I do think he is worth another chance, but obviously I don't want to spoil it by not handling it right.