Dp and have been together for 4.5 years. We bought a house 18 months ago.
About 4 weeks ago he told me that he thought there was something wrong in our relationship and he couldn't tell me what it was. I was pretty upset as I had just thought that it was the fact that he was constantly tired from months of long hours at work coupled with the December tradition of too many nights out at too many Christmas parties. He was adamant it was more but he couldn't put his finger on it.
We went to his family for Christmas. He is adamant that he specifically asked me not to fight with him there. He may have done... I can't remember really, but of course after a lot of alcohol and a couple of days after Christmas we had a fight. I really didn't think it was that loud but apparently his parents overheard it and got very upset because I had berated him for what he says was 2 hours. I am not convinced it was that long but I do agree that I was pretty nasty at times and that I did go too far down the berating route because I felt really crap about our relationship. He had barely touched me, looked at me, spoken to me without some sort of issue or really included me and I felt very low.
Nothing was said about it by his family the next day. That next evening, after more alcohol, I walked behind him in a pub and saw him texting some woman from work saying something like "can't wait to talk to you too xxxxxxxx". Cue second argument outside there, His tone changed dramatically and he said he wanted to end it. He said I have been really nasty to him on too many occasions and that thee have been times where I have upset him so much that he has caused himself bruises or gone into work and cried in the toilets. He has literally never told me either of those things before, though I agree that after certain arguments I have also felt that I have been slightly too nasty. I was really upset to hear that I could ever have caused such upset. He says I should have known that I was hurting him that much and that the fact that he didn't tell me is irrelevant... I just shouldn't have done it.
The texting was glossed over and he said that she was in a similar situation to him and that he had text her for someone to neutral to talk to. I still think this is in appropriate and the fact that he literally deleted the entire text thread as soon as I saw that one thing is fishy.
We talked most of the night and I had managed to persuade him to get through the last day at his family's and then to talk to me at home. However, he went downstairs to find that his sister, who had overheard some of that second argument (and certainly nothing about the texting) had told his other sister, her husband, and his parents. His parents told him that none of them could forget what they had overheard and I should leave.
Since then he has told it has to end. He won't even entertain the idea of trying to save it. Apparently he has been thinking about it for months as he was thinking about marriage and decided he wasn't 100% sure because I have said things in the past he can't forgive. He has often goaded me into an angry reaction and it has been noticed by friends. He has also said some pretty hurtful things himself. I thought this was just something that people did on rare occasions and they apologised and made it up etc. we really don't argue very often but he makes out that we do and every time it is horrific.
Whatever I have done, he won't even give me a chance to try to prove I can change it - at first he was adamant it was because it had happened too often and I shouldn't have ever hurt him but now it's become clear its also because his family won't accept me after those arguments. I don't think it's their business and I don't think they should ever have said anything to him at all about it so I am struggling.
We are now in separate rooms, he won't say he loves me and he is adamant it's over, he has even started telling people. I'm 28 and I thought u would marry him. It's the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
I'm terrified of losing him. Is there really no hope?