Is being domineering a bad thing?

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If your dh/dw said you was very domineering (not sex related) how would you take this?

Is being domineering a bad thing?

What is your understanding of the word domineering?

How does leaving the kitchen a shit tip not affect anyone else?! Anyone who wants to use the kitchen would have to clean up your mess before they can!

Especially bad given the OP said he cooks just for him...

Thanks you for the responses.

Dh does of course offer to make me and dd what he is having but tbh we are not keen on what he eats some of the time. He has the same for lunch every single day.

He also has a habit of draining tuna off down the sink but will not rinse it out therefore it stinks and/or he will leave his tuna recycling cans on the side but not rinsed out so they stink!

It does affect me him not clearing up as when i want to use the kitchen i then have to clean up the mess first!

I suppose i am the leader in the house, i sort all the bills, food shopping, present buying, clothing buying (except his clothing) i sort any new appliances etc that need replacing. If there is a problem with something we have in the house like where i need to speak to customer services it me that does it all.

Dh is a workaholic and thats his section so to speak. Im a SAHM.

I do not like things a tip, i especially like the kitchen clean and clear at all times. Dh has a much more lax approach and "does not see dirt"

Dh is very laid back where as i am much more assertive in general and that maybe why he sees me as domineering compared to him.

Workaholic and doesn't see dirt? No lazy disengaged parent and husband is more like it.

Would he do this at work, though? If someone (at his level) came into his office and said, "You've left a mess in the kitchen again. Can you clean it up so that other people can use the kitchen?" he wouldn't shout that they were domineering, would he?

I think it's extremely domineering to leave a big mess for someone else to clean up.

I also think calling you domineering for expecting him not to act like a slovenly cunt is extremely manipulative and nasty.

He shouldn't be calling you domineering and he should be clearing up after himself. There really is no excuse when there is a dishwasher there too.

I had this at university with my two housemates and it affected our relationship in that i saw it as such a simple and considerate thing to leave the kitchen as you found it, whereas they saw it as me getting wound up over nothing. It sounds petty but the daily grind becomes quite eroding.

Without going into detail he works from home and is self employed and has done this job for years from home so no work colleagues to deal with

So he thinks you should clear up after him because his job is his entire contribution to your household?

If someone has cleaned a kitchen and somebody else makes a mess when only making something to eat for themselves, then it completely fair enough that the latter person cleans up after themselves, and they shouldn't need to be asked.

If your Dh has a habit of not doing it AND expecting you to do it, then that is not on and you need to get to a position where he agrees with you on that point. Is it really his expectation that it is your responsibility to clean it after him, or does he think that he will clean up when he's ready to? And if you left it long enough, would he clean it? If he has returned to the computer, it sounds like he's not going to clean up for some time. I don't have enough info to judge on it.

The example you gave of how you speak to him would generally bring out a negative reaction in most people, so the 'shit tip' v 'domineering' comments seem tit for tat between two people not communicating particularly effectively during a period of frustration. On this basis, your question asking if it is bad to be domineering seems out of context. I appreciate that you are likely worn down by his habit though but tackling it when you've spoken like that is never going to bring out the best response in someone.

Seems like there's a much bigger picture going on between you both with the 'workaholic, laid back' Dh and the 'clean and clear at all times' DW. It can be as draining for a messy person to live with a neat freak as the other way around (I don't know if that's the position with you two as the background is limited) yet many people manage it with ground rules and compromise. Can you tackle this again when you are both calm and come to an agreement? Eg if he makes a mess, it needs to be tidied within an hour but you won't make any comment in that timeframe, or whatever works for you both?

Is he really a workaholic?

Or a procrastinator who spends many hours at his workstation, not actually working most of the time, but not willing to do his share of housework because he wants to stay at his workstation to get his paid work done first (but still fails to do it in good time)?

Honestly he sounds like a crap partner: negative, nasty, uncaring about his effect on you, only interested in doing his own thing... I'd let him get on with it as a single man. He's not interested in being a family man.