Terrified of the future

[Lostandfounddad]

I realise there are better places to put this but I've posted on here before and I don't want to bore you with the whole backstory.

Suffice to say my marriage broke up 3 years ago when my wife cheated on me. I was completely devastated, however our 2 kids are my world and I went part time to have 50/50 custody.

Ever since the marriage breakup I've suffered from low mood/depression. I don't have many friends locally and am very lonely.

2 years ago my dad died following a long term battle with cancer, it was a release for him really. And for my mum, who had been his carer.

My mum was going to move down to be closer to me and the smalls. Then boxing day my mum died. It was a complete shock and out of the blue, she was only 57. There may be a negligence issue but that's for after the post mortem. She was admitted on Xmas eve and I'm just so glad I took the smalls to visit on Xmas day. Yet still I will always feel guilt for not being with her when she died. There are so many things I want to say to her, but I realise that is common.

I got the phone call about her dying when I was handing over the kids to their mum. I was literally stood face to face with my ex when I was told. I can honestly say I have never felt so lonely, weak and powerless as at that second. I would have given anything for her to have still been MY Sarah at that point, so I could have leaned on her and taken strength from us. Instead I sat alone in my car afterwards. Family have obviously pulled together but I am terrified of the future.

oh my god, I am so sorry, how awful. you have been through so much. you've not got to think too far ahead though or it will do your head in completely. one day at a time. it's a cliche but true

massive hugs to you. you will get through it with the help of your children xxx

It's still so raw that the future seems so massive. Concentrate on being the wonderful Dad you are and things will feel better in time.

My sincere condolences Lostandfounddad

What a terrible shock, I am so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

Loneliness can be a terrible feeling. Or perhaps you are feeling more aloneness than actually loneliness. You are suffering from the loss of your parents, the loss of your partner and perhaps even feeling quite alone once the children go back to their mum.
Try not to look too much to the future. In my experience the things we worry and fear most don't always come to fruition, it's the unexpected bolts from the blue that frequently cause the most damage and pain.
This time of the year can also highlight our loneliness.
Most of us have some regrets when those we love suddenly die. We think of all the things we wish we had said and done whilst they were alive. Right now take strength from your family and engross yourself in quality time with your children.
Don't rush things too much but it is time to start making some friends so start thinking about how you can start the ball rolling. Do you have hobbies or interests? Could you start an evening course, join a sports or reading group for example?
Try to live one day at a time. Perhaps it's time to start dating again too to try to find someone special to share your life with? I know that can be scary after being cheated on but sometimes we have to take risks in life and be hopeful.
I do hope that your loneliness and foreboding will somehow ease for you in the near future. It's time to find some friends so focus some of your energy on that quest as soon as you feel a little stronger.