Is he a cocklodger? Yes or No

[whoamikidding]

Keen to get opinions to settle a dispute amongst a group of friends. The female in question believes her DP is not a cocklodger and we are all just bitter divorcees who think the worst of men. We (the friendship group) clearly object to this and think the DP is a typical cocklodger.

Key facts about our dear friend:

• Age 47
• Very solvent, talking £150k salary minimum consistently.
• Met DP at work
• Moved hundreds of miles with DP to live in a very expensive part of the world. He couldn't have done it without her.
• Been with him 4 years (of which 3.5 have been in this new location).

Key facts about the DP

• Age 35
• Highly intelligent, salary increased significantly since moving to new location, but still earning half what our friend earns.
• Loves money and expensive items/lifestyle.
• Had an EA 2 years into the relationship which lasted 1 month or so. EA was very intense, and he was already making plans to live with this OW.

I know this isn't much to go on, but the last point re the EA is what alarms us. Then when you factor in the whole situation with her being a high earner, it is very very suspicious.

Hmm, I'm not sure either. He does contribute and, presumably, she's happy?

Are you sure of your facts on the EA?

100% sure of the EA. Only facts we know are that it happened. Can prove it lasted for a month (but could be longer), and that his main vocal concern appeared to be securing accommodation with OW. After this, we are blind. It appears they went NC.

It's really unhealthy to get so involved in your friends relationships, why are you all so interested in their earning capacities ?

To those posters cLling him a gold digger, would you sat the same about a woman who earntb25per cent less than her husband ?

Agree with northern. Also 30s and 40s are a fairly vital career building time - wouldn't we all hope to earn more at 47 than 35.

So you all sit round talking about his affair, keeping it from her .
I also don't know where in the world you can't afford to live on £75k .
I think you need to think about whether you are really a good friend to her.

from the terms that you have used to describe his EA you know very little about it or even if it did happen.

TBH, it sounds like you just don't like him.

I presume they are living somewhere like Dubai where his £75k would get him nowhere so he needs your friends good salary to enjoy a certain lifestyle

I do think you sound over invested in your friends relationship. If you think he is complete bastard, which it appears you do, the only thing you can do is be there if and when she needs you as a friend. She may be pissed off to hear that all her friends were sat around discussing his affair for months without telling her though, I would be.

Two of us said he might be a gold-digger, based on the possibility that he opted to stay with the OP's friend due to her higher income, rather than leave her for the OW. No-one said he was a gold-digger merely for earning less than OP. In fact no-one said he was a gold-digger at all.