I don't want to speak too soon, but DH seems to have accepted that his parents are never going to change and has said he doesn't really want to have contact with them now.
It's a long story, some of you will remember my posts about how difficult they have been, how they have always been controlling and manipulative, how DH grew up believing that if he upset them then he would be responsible for MIL having a mental breakdown. Then when we lost our two children they were exceptionally cruel, said some awful things to me, and eventually when we had our DS they lied about a hereditary and potentially fatal disease they claimed BIL had, making us think that this might be the reason we lost at least one of the babies, and that DH and DS might also be ill. They also spent some time stalking me, watching our house and following me when I went out.
Anyway, I have been NC with them for several years, and refused to let them see DS in this time as I felt their lies and behaviour made them a danger to him. DH has found it harder and more difficult to cut contact, and also found it difficult to accept that their refusal to leave us alone was causing more problems, as they kept insisting they were trying to make things better.
Recently they have been away to spend time with friends and relatives in another country. They came home this week and must have called DH from the airport to start berating him about me and my behaviour.
I could hear the telephone conversation from the next room, and I heard DH actually put them in their place. He told them he wasn't going through all this any more, that they were not to upset me or DS anymore, and that if they were only calling to complain then he wasn't going to speak to them. And he told them they had to respect our decisions regarding being NC and to stop trying to involve other people and have them interfere. He said that he was putting us first and they were not to phone to cause trouble again.
I have never heard him speak to them that way before. What's more, he then came to find me to tell me what had happened, and said how exhausted he is with the miserable phone calls and the pressure they try to put on him, and how angry he is that they have upset me and DS for so long and how he won't allow them to blame me any more for all the problems they have caused. And he said he never wants to see or speak to them now, because they are always so miserable and awful, and they make him feel bad.
I've been waiting for this for so long. I never thought he'd get here. He finally seems to have accepted that we have done nothing wrong, that they have spent years making us miserable, and most importantly of all he seems to have realised that he doesn't have to put up with it just because they are his parents.
They phoned to tell him about something I have done, under the impression that he wouldn't know. His sister had spoken to them about it and they were phoning straight from the airport to let him know, because they were hoping to make us argue.
We'll it's backfired because he did already know the thing they thought they were telling him, it was something he decided and I did with his blessing, we didn't argue, we talked instead and it's made him more determined than ever to stop them having a negative influence on our lives.
He hasn't said he's going completely NC with them, but if they continue in the way they are then I think he will now. I think finally telling them how he feels and how awful they are has been a relief to him. He's been happier, we feel closer as a couple, he's spending more time with DS, and he actually looks a little different.
We needed this to happen, and since PILs usually manage to spoil every special occasion it's lovely that this time we seem to have come out of the trouble they have caused feeling happier and closer than we were. They've spoilt things for themselves this year, because instead of focusing on having a lovely holiday and keeping good memories, they've tried to cause trouble and finally pushed him too far.
I'm hoping this is a good sign for next year, and that DH continues to stand up for himself and us and they get the message that treating us like this just pushes him further away from them. And that they will leave us alone.
I couldn't have wished for a better outcome if I'd tried. I've been dreading them getting back from their holiday as their time out of the country is the only time I stop worrying about leaving the house and finding them sitting outside it. We were both expecting some sort of drama the moment they got back, and although they didn't prove us wrong, DH's reaction has been a surprise to us all I think. I'm so happy that it's finally happened, when I never thought it would.