Another OW here, can't believe I fell in to it.

[Greatlakes]

I never ever believed I would find myself in this situation but yes, another one here who fell for the story.
I met a married man, I was an idiot and in a vulnerable place (just left my husband) and assumed he was leaving his wife, yes, I assumed. I was incredibly naive and thought when he said they had no communication (other than about children), no sex for 5 years and have separate bedrooms (I can see they probably have) and that he would leave her (when the children were older - he admitted to that bit later) that the leaving her was inevitable. He tells me they are only staying together for the children. I have fallen for the whole story. Another standard to the story, I haven't felt like this about anyone for a long time and of course don't know if I will again. He messages every day, sees me every week.
Due to my own self esteem / self worth issues I haven't broken it off with him and I should. I've been to counselling and actually don't know how I will cope walking away from this. Of course, he's said he wants a future with me and of course his wife is so awful to him. Absolutely classic.

I want to hear the onslaught, I deserve it.

If you have any decency, you should let his wife know what a scumbag he is and see who he truly is. Chances are you won't see him for dust unless she throws him out at which point he will tell you he decided to leave to be with you.

YY to this. And if this happens, don't expect for one moment he'd ever be 'just yours'.

A man who cheats with you, will cheat on you.

She wants a public stoning I would have thought that was clear.

yes but that is not going to raise her self-esteem. These decisions, to settle for somebody else's cheating arsehole are usually borne out of damaged self-esteem so it's all so pointless.

You may feel that you were misled when you started the relationship and had different expectations of where it would lead. Now you are fully aware that he is not leaving his wife anytime soon, you are having sex with someone else's husband and that he is a lying cheat. With this information you need to decide if you want to be party to his deceit and a bit part in his life or find a relationship with a man who will be yours. Personally I have no idea why either of you would want him as he sounds like a spineless wonder.

This is a toxic relationship for this man, his family and mostly you. If you are capable of taking the stoning that you set yourself up for, then let's hope you have the ability to walk away. No one should be second best.

be glad he is married and you didn't marry him. You could have been in the same situation his wife is in, someone like that doesn't change. You will be better of without him in the end.

What's up OP, ran out of people in real life who will listen to your bullshit?

You just love the drama and are posting on here for more, aren't you?

What a sad little life you have.

She doesn't want a public stoning. I guess he's hardly been in touch or seen her over Christmas and the affair bubble needs a bit of oxygen - hence posting on here.

She might want a public stoning; two possible reasons occur to me

a) so she can complain that we're all nasty bitches, or
b) just to keep some drama going

But I don't think that's what this thread is giving. Most posters are telling her the only way to recover her self-esteem is to get out of the situation that is wrecking it.

It's not to late to do the right thing.

Just as an aside, are you using protection when sleeping with this man OP?
Men who cheat on their wives rarely stop at just one woman.
He's already double dipping both you and his wife, and there may be other 'other women'.
His DW may even have a bit on the side too, you never know. You can't be sure how many people's potential infections you've been exposed to by your sleazy bunk ups with this fuck buddy man.

Go get checked out OP- you're having sex with someone who isn't in a faithful relationship.
You never know, he might have given you a Christmas gift of Herpes or HIV.

It's not to late to start respecting your body.

What would someone who loved themselves do?

Do that.

Run for the hills! This man may well leave his wife, marry you & everything will be fine for a good few years......That is until he gets bored again & you'll be the nagging wife sat at home wondering what he's up
to. Off course I don't mean any of us are nagging wives. Im just remembering what
my stbxh used to say about his 1st wife.
I never used to believe the 'Once a cheater,
always a cheater'. I do now, having seen
my ex skip from one woman to another.
Remember these men are professional flatterers thats how they get usually sensible women to hook up with them.
Be kind to yourself, do things with your friends who really care for you, not a selfish prat who only thinks of himself.

I can't give him the benefit of the doubt. It all seems such a cliche.

I stayed with Ex-Dp for ten years after I had decided it was over for me. Very little conversation past what needed to be said or I felt able to offer. No shared finances, although I had enough to live on, and everything was taken care of. No sex. Then two years ago I made it official by telling him it was completely over, for good. He had nowhere to go, made lots of excuses. Two years on, he moved out but his new place was unsuitable for the children to stay. He is now on my sofa, helping with the children whilst I finish dissertation. He is moving out again.

I have met a very lovely man, who I have been 100% honest with, and I love him. He is calm, understanding, patient and wants to be with me. However I live in fear because most people would advise him to run for the hills.

I tell you this, sometimes things are what they seem, sometimes they are not. Sometimes its all a grand ruse, sometimes men probably do try and keep it all together, through fear of failure, wanting to do the right thing for their children, mistakenly believing that it is the best thing to do. Sometimes they are as stuck as any one of us can possibly be.

You, do have a choice though. Only you know what is best for you, what you are willing to believe, how much to trust, if you should, and for how long you are prepared to wait. I had a friend who waited 25 years! If he is genuine and his story is genuine, he will give you a time frame and he will stick to it. If not, cut your losses now.