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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband

11 replies

RunkidsKID · 29/12/2015 23:57

My husband never wants to be in the same room as the kids and I. Two of the children are his but when we got married they came to live with us. Is this normal as I feel like a glorified cleaner etc

OP posts:
Morganly · 30/12/2015 00:03

Nope, definitely not normal.

Whisperingeye1 · 30/12/2015 00:10

No not normal at all. Sounds horrible

goddessofsmallthings · 30/12/2015 04:07

Where does he go when you're with the dc and have you asked him why he doesn't choose to sit in the same room as you and them?

Original poster
RunkidsKID · 30/12/2015 08:52

He will go to the bedroom or a different room and likes the door shut he likes to be alone. I don't think he knows how to be a dad or husband. He didn't have a great childhood and in his previous relationship of 16 yrs I think he just did want he wanted and he was unhappy for a long time but stayed for the children. I love him to bits he is a kind caring man but I work full time In a demanding job which his previous woman did not and just feel like I do everything unless I ask

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/12/2015 09:10

Why did his previous marriage end; presumably it was for similar reasons.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is there to love about this person?.

How can he be at all described by you as at all kind and caring?. His behaviour is neither.

He may well have had a horrible childhood but its no justification or excuse for this from him now.

Original poster
RunkidsKID · 30/12/2015 09:16

Previous marriage ended because they fell out of love together since 18.
When we do spend time as a family he is a loving caring funny man who has suffered an alcoholic mum growing up and no real father figure. His girls clearly love him. I know he loves me but he really struggles with life he is very anxious as is his brother. I just need to get through to dh without it being an argument every time he just thinks I am moaning

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 30/12/2015 10:17

What a horrible situation for all of you. Has your H had any help or therapy around the neglect he experienced in his childhood?

Original poster
RunkidsKID · 30/12/2015 10:34

Pocket savior he will be starting CBT and takes medication. He is a genuinely lovely man just used to doing his own thing all his life looking after himself and dealing with abusive step dad and alcoholic mum

OP posts:
MrsLeighHalfpenny · 30/12/2015 10:37

What happens when you go out for the evening and leave the DC with him?
(Please don't say you never go out on your own)

Original poster
RunkidsKID · 30/12/2015 10:39

I don't often go out on my own I know I probably should but if he is looking after the dc I will often find them all in their rooms when I come back or dh will be in the lounge on his own

OP posts:
MrsLeighHalfpenny · 30/12/2015 10:44

Well, could you ask DH to take kids to the park/library/football match/swimming/... once in a while? Anything to get him to spend time with them alone? You could start by going with them, so get a routine, then "not feel very well" one day and send him on his own. That kind of thing?

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