Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I need to end my relationship

41 replies

NotthespecialONE · 29/12/2015 18:40

Dp has just called my dd a fucking selfish cunt.
I'm so upset... He needs to go but I don't know how, do I just sling him out now? We have a 7 month old ds together, do I owe it to him to try and make it work with his dad?

OP posts:

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 29/12/2015 22:55

You have done the right thing OP.

My cousin has a DP a bit like your (ex) and she took his side over her daughter's. She now has two other children but no relationship with her eldest child.

AdoraBell · 29/12/2015 23:01

Well done OP and as for being from a broken home? It is better to be from a broken home that to be in a broken home. And this was broken until you fixed it by kicking the distructive element out.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/12/2015 23:05

There is nothing wrong with bringing up kids as a single parent at all.
Protect your daughter please, keep him away.

TimeToMuskUp · 29/12/2015 23:12

You're not making DS grow up without a Dad at all; he can still be a parent to his child, you're just protecting yourselves from his tomfuckery and absuive behaviour. Fuck that whole guilt trip.

I split up with DS1's Dad when he was 5 months old, he kicked in my front door (I owned the house and changed the locks while he was at work, took his stuff to his Mums, who agreed that it was time to end it) and he went bezerk saying I'd taken his son from him, that DS1 would end up a delinquent coming from a broken home. DS1 is 10 now and is the kindest, happiest boy imaginable. He brightens the world with his utter loveliness. Better to be raised by a happy single parent than in an unhappy home with two parents.

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/12/2015 23:15

Well done OP! So relieved to read this. Nobody wants their child to grow up in a broken home, nobody. However, as the resident parent, you now have the opportunity to show your children what loving parenting is and it's not what they were being exposed to. Your youngest will be none the wiser, your eldest will always know that you put her first.

I hope you're able to seek some legal advice regarding ex's contact with the baby. I know you've got a tough road ahead but you have absolutely done the right thing!

timelytess · 29/12/2015 23:16

how am I going to explain it to ds when he's older that he comes from a broken family
He doesn't. He comes from a loving family with a strong mum and a valued sister.

SparkleSoiree · 30/12/2015 01:17

Glad to hear you have removed him from your home OP. I'm sure you are not feeling to clever at the moment but in time things will feel better and you will feel stronger and be able to withstand his persuasions.

Muldjewangk · 30/12/2015 03:18

How are you going to explain it to dd when she's older that you let her be abused, if you let him stay?

goddessofsmallthings · 30/12/2015 03:55

he uses ds as a guilt trip on me says I'm making him grow up without a dad and how am I going to explain it to ds when he's older that he comes from a broken family

Tell the twunt that when the time comes he can explain to his ds that his dm had no option but to throw him out on his ear because his behaviour towards ds's sister proved that he was not fit to be a father to any child.

Also tell him that if he doesn't tell ds himself, you'll make sure ds knows the truth.

For the sake of both of your dc, FGS don't let him worm his way back into your home again. Make contact with your nearest Women's Aid branch and enrol on the Freedom Programme at the earliest opportunity www.womensaid.org.uk

Costacoffeeplease · 30/12/2015 06:16

Great news - and yes, he can explain to his son why he didn't grow up in the same house as his father - it's always the same old story, the woman's fault for throwing them out, not the dickhead's fault for being a twat - place the blame very firmly where it belongs - and remember it every time he comes crawling back

areyoubeingserviced · 30/12/2015 06:45

Please don't take him back.

Lonely04 · 30/12/2015 07:47

I have heard all this as well, will got to counselling, I'm depressed, etc, etc, don't be sucked in, better to explain to ds that you didn't allow him to be abused than to stand by and let it happen .......If only I had taken this advice!!!

Isetan · 30/12/2015 08:04

You owe it your son to protect his sister from this man and to not let him grow up in a toxic dynamic and as long as this man stays, you can't do that.

His guilting of you is him shifting the responsibility because if he believed that his behaviour was a problem, he would be doing something about it (platitudes don't count).

Your responsibilities begin and end, in limiting you and your children's exposure to his bullshit.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/12/2015 11:09

Please please call Womens Aid and enrol to do their Freedom Programme.
You really need it. You've had red flags flying for quite some time and have chosen to ignore them and let him abuse you and your DD rather than be without a man
It will help you set up boundaries and show you that drinking is just an excuse to abuse.
Don't fall for his shite again. Ignore and block him.

Your poor DD is 11, 11 FFS, I thought you were gonna say 15 or 16 as they are nightmare years, but 11...! That is seriously not OK (it's never OK by the way).

Well done for being strong and kicking him out. NOW you have to protect your DC and stick to it.

Womens Aid - NOW!!!!

DoreenLethal · 30/12/2015 11:13

he uses ds as a guilt trip on me says I'm making him grow up without a dad and how am I going to explain it to ds when he's older that he comes from a broken family

No love - he starts this shit and you can tell your son that it was his dad that broke the family up, not you. And he comes from a loving family that sticks up for his sister.

Original poster

NotthespecialONE · 01/01/2016 08:38

Sorry haven't had a chance to come back and thank you all for your help and for sharing your own experiences with me as I smashed my phone screen. Thanks to you all

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread