How to identify a good man?

[savemesally]

This is a serious question. I married a really abusive controlling arse & stayed with him for over two decades. Thankfully I eventually woke up & left him. I'm now in a totally different place & have met someone new who seems lovely but I wonder whether I'm getting it right. I'm very laid back & ended up losing my identity to my exdh. I don't want to make another mistake like last time. So what are the signs of a good man, how do you know when you've got it right?

Great post mulledwine, I wish I had read that before I married my ex husband!

Fantastic post mulledwine

Sometimes abuse mechanism are subtle.If you were previously in a DV relationship, you can also add to great self confidence reading Lundy Bancroft: 'Why does he do that?' so you can understand in depth how DV works and not to make the same mistakes. You can also attend the Freedom programme.
I totally agree that assertiveness and knowing your own boundaries is also key to get what you want.

I feel like you in my new relationship too OP - it's all going well with BF at the moment but I get flashes of 'he says he loves me now but he'll probably just leave me' or if I get a small doubt I worry that maybe we're not right for one another - I think I would put up with a lot less of being unhappy this time round & at the moment it's 99% positive