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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you think this means?

26 replies

gmorgs · 28/12/2015 05:37

Hi,

I'm a guy and my fiance is pregnant (12 weeks) and we have had a 'bust up' and are had been moving in together. I was moving from my town to hers. I said things in the heat of the moment and she left. Not sure if you need the specific details..she said something, that triggered my reaction...... We are still in contact and sharing information and chatting and she wants me to be fully involved in the baby. We are both in our 40s.

From a female's view what do you read into the following:

'....like I said I don't think it is a good idea for us to carry on as a couple.'

I would be grateful for any thoughts. Thanks gmorgs

OP posts:
helloella · 28/12/2015 05:39

She broke up with you.

Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 05:40

Does that mean for good....or is there a possibility of getting back together

OP posts:
antimatter · 28/12/2015 05:42

She was gentle in letting you know that she doesn't want you to be in a romantic relationship with you.

LikeADivil · 28/12/2015 05:43

She is saying
'You stupid ignorant shit. It's over!!'

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2015 05:43

Does that mean for good....or is there a possibility of getting back together We are supposed to know that from a tiny box, but you don't know from the whole of your relationship?

What did you say in the heat of the moment?

Out2pasture · 28/12/2015 05:45

it means you need her to clarify the message.

helloella · 28/12/2015 05:46

It sounds like it's for good but like Out2pasture said, ask her to clarify the message.

Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 05:48

The fuller verson is that I was apologising and she said....

Thanks. I am sad too that things have not worked out, but I don't think it is a good idea for us to carry on as a couple, but you can have a full role as Dad to the baby.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2015 05:50

The fuller verson is that I was apologising for what?

Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 05:55

Good point, our whole relationship is very good and we get on very well.

I had been having a very stressful time at work and she was not feeling great-morning sickness and feeling low and she said something with a bit of a harsh tone and I said something like I can see where your daughter gets her attitude from (teenager from previous relationship) and you were mean and even though you have morning sickness it is not as bad as a nasty disease.

Can I also say I have been very supportive throughout and this was the only time I said something like this and I regret it deeply.

I apologised for saying this but she left.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 28/12/2015 05:56

It's over, but she's being lovely and mature and making sure you have a relationship with your child. Don't hound her to get back with you, focus on the child

Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 05:57

I was apologising for what I said in the heat of the moment.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 28/12/2015 05:57

If you'd have said something like that about my child I would have left too sorry.

Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 05:58

I thought I would give her time to work through her feelings and thoughts; think that is best at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 06:00

I thought I would give her time to work through her feelings and thoughts; think that is best at the moment.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 28/12/2015 06:01

I think she's made her decision and you should just focus on being a dad. What you said about her daughter was vile and totally uncalled for. That would kill a relationship dead for a lot of women.

Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 06:02

I agree, but she had said stuff to me first and we were both pretty stressed but would you consider getting back together in time. I am full of regret and apologised - I obviously wish I could turn back time.

OP posts:
Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 06:03

Yes I can see that but with time might she come back...

OP posts:
Original poster
gmorgs · 28/12/2015 06:06

I agree it was uncalled for and it was the only thing I have ever said. I was very stressed and out of order and character for me. I've been very supportive and understanding since she has a tricky relationship with her daughter.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 28/12/2015 06:08

No. If you were having an argument with me and brought my child into it for no reason other than to hurt me, I would not come back. She's told you it's over. Why can't you focus on the baby?

Haddocksbathingcostume · 28/12/2015 06:10

Do you have any other children yourself? Because she will have been stressed and worried about the impact her relationship with you will have on her existing child. I can't quite believe I am having to explain this, but you made a comment about her daughter. That would pull me up short too in this situation. I would not want to bring any man into my life who would say anything negative about my DC. They need more patience from a step-parent, not less.

You may have said it in the heat of the moment and apologised, but I would read that as you spitting out your true feelings - and those feelings would be unacceptable to me.

It is over, I think. Focus on the child.

LikeADivil · 28/12/2015 06:21

Not only did you insult her daughter, you insulted her. And went on to try to tell her that being violently ill and nauseous was something she shouldn't moan about.
All because you are stressed at work.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 28/12/2015 06:24

I think that (even if her DD does have an awful attitude, and let's face it, most teenagers do at some point) she has realised that she doesn't want to live with someone who dislikes her DD. That way lies madness and will lead to a whole load of stress and resentment on all sides.

Perhaps her DD dislike you, which is why you get the attitude from her. Who knows? But I for one think it's eminently sensible that she has decided not to try to make a new family unit including you and her DD right now. It's always a challenge to blend a family and it sounds like it's dawned on her that it won't work, or at least she is not going to take the chance when you've let slip how you feel about her DD. Whether you are warranted in feeling like that about her is totally not the point.

Step-parent/child relationships are notoriously difficult. Your partner has had a lightbulb moment and realised she needs to put her DD first.

Maybe you will get back together, maybe you won't but I think she's realised a live-in partnership won't work right now and she's probably right.

kittybiscuits · 28/12/2015 09:19

If you are 16, OP, you have a lot to learn. If not...oh dear.

Twinklestein · 28/12/2015 10:14

Tbh I doubt that it was just that one remark that made her leave. If everything in the relationship was brilliant, below the belt comments could be worked through if she wanted to.

But she doesn't.

It sounds like this is the last straw.

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