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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's moving out, right now

13 replies

intheairthatnightfernando · 27/12/2015 12:19

I started a thread three weeks ago, it was called 'My DH doesn't know if he wants to be with me'. I got loads of advice and support. It's happening today. Boxes piled high in hallway. 20 years together being dismantled. Feel very shocked all over again. I've taken the kids out for the day and when we get back he and all his things will be gone. A new life for us three. All done from start to finish in three weeks.

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 27/12/2015 12:25

I read your first post. I hope you are all okay. Im sure it will be really hard at forts but hopefully the three of you will eventually get into your own little routine without him there. Best of luck.

Blakerose15 · 27/12/2015 12:26

Put u n your children first can't be easy but u will get the good luck for the future

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 27/12/2015 12:28

He has done that awfully quickly.my guess is that 2 months from now he will wonder what on earth he has done and regret it. what a time of year to do it as well.sorry op, really.lots of love to you.

magoria · 27/12/2015 13:07

Take care of yourself.

Flowers
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/12/2015 13:47

My DH doesn't know if he wants to be with me
I saw that thread, what a month it's been for you.
He wasn't inclined to take the initiative, but he seems to have found the energy to go quickly. Don't be surprised if he re-invents himself in other ways in the new year.

You sound very capable and mentioned that you have rl support but this is a big emotional milestone so bound to take it out of you today. Keep your head up and remember, he didn't want to participate in family life or put much effort into the relationship, you will be fine.

HandyWiseWoman · 27/12/2015 15:47

I read your thread. I felt there was an aspect of veneer to your marriage - he was never particularly involved in family life (I was married to a man like that) but also it seemed you were close in other ways. Today is a huge milestone and a sense of loss for the good and also the bad. I know you have good RL support but be gentle with yourself. Be prepared for him to turn into someone you barely recognise. Hope you have got the ball rolling with the solicitor. You will be your own lovely unit from now on. Take very great care of yourself as you support the dc and yourself through this and roll with whatever emotions come along.

Thanks Wine

OldestStory · 28/12/2015 07:32

How are you doing today?

Original poster
intheairthatnightfernando · 28/12/2015 07:41

I feel I'm in a surreal life! Didn't sleep unfortunately but I suppose that's to be expected.

It was ok coming home. I felt so nervous opening the door but my house still feels like a sanctuary, though so strange to be confronted with empty wardrobes and open spaces. I put the children to bed and sorted out all the shelves so there were no gaps. I don't want it to be glaringly obvious to the kids.

I do feel strong and ready to lead my little team through this but feel so shocked as well. It's all been so quick. I don't have confidence he's thought through the enormity. Checked last night he hadn't packed our photo albums (wed agreed to sort them together) and was struck by an album id put together just in October of our summer and October break. All smiley and happy. How it could end up like this two months later I have no idea.

I will be fine. But how he could mess up our children's stability on what appears to be a whim is just incredible to me. We are telling the kids in two days. They haven't even asked where he is yet which is telling! He didn't ecplain to them he was going on holiday to his mum's for a few days, left that task to me and I'm not mentioning it till they do.

My house looks lovely though, uncluttered, no gaps, will fill it with the fun we always have, which never was reliant on him.

OP posts:
OldestStory · 28/12/2015 07:48

It must be hard. Especially as so quick.

Hope today is ok, get out and get lots of fresh air: clear the head and maybe help you to get a better sleep tonight. 💐

RNBrie · 28/12/2015 07:51

Op you sound amazingly strong and put together. I think I'd be a mess.

I think you have an interesting few months ahead of you, his motivation will probably start to become clearer as you watch how he copes being alone.

It's all very odd indeed... Well done for coping so well.

OldestStory · 28/12/2015 18:58

How's today been? Hope you bearing up

Fckup · 28/12/2015 19:27

You seem so strong, don't be surprised if that doesn't last but it will come back and you'll be fine. It's a new adventure.

187ab · 30/12/2015 16:45

How are you doing?

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