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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partners children and splitting up

8 replies

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 27/12/2015 07:19

I'm in a 4 year relationship, which has long passed its 'sell by date'. We are on the verge of splitting. His DD is 17, and we get on fine.

My question is, how do you manage the other partners children after you've split? Do you stay in contact? Should I leave it to her? It's seems so harsh just not to see/speak to her again. She has some learning difficulties but quite independent, but I can never quite gauge her feelings/emotions. I don't, and have never had an issue with her, just do not want to be with her Dad.

OP posts:

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 27/12/2015 07:19

Sorry..meant to say, we don't, and never have lived together.

OP posts:

Strawclutching · 27/12/2015 07:29

Could you speak to her and just say you'll always be there for her and she's welcome to contact you whenever she likes?

Needtoprotect16 · 27/12/2015 10:08

You've been a significant person in her life at a formative time. She may 'grieve' for you and it may make her feel insecure. I would do as the previous poster suggests. Can you and her father discuss the issue together with her to show her that it's fine for both of you if she maintains contact with you?

heidiwine · 27/12/2015 10:17

My DP has two children. I've known them for 6 years. We have difficult times and good times, as you will know a stepmother's role is very difficult. All that said, if DP and I ever split up I couldn't imagine not seeing his children again. They are younger than yours though. Still, she's old enough to discuss it all with I a kind and open way. Good luck OP

ToddlerTantrums · 27/12/2015 10:18

I would just let her know that you would love to stay in touch and she is always welcome to come round etc

scarlets · 27/12/2015 11:44

She's not a young child, so you can have a relationship with her independently of your current partner, with no need for permission from him, or from her mum. It's up to her and you. Just let her know that despite what's happening with her dad, you are keen to stay in touch. Suggest a coffee in the new year and follow it up a couple of days later with a text/email/Facebook message offering a couple of dates for her to choose from. She can then respond or ignore as she sees fit.

Good luck.

Original poster

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 27/12/2015 19:07

Thank you for all your replies. I am dreading having that conversation with her. He is widowed, so she doesn't have Mum. This makes the situation doubly worse, although I've never acted like a Mother to her, more like an Auntie/friend. Still, she's had me around for 3 years which is a long time in a young persons life. I just want to deal with this as sensitively as possible.

I'm a Mum myself and this breaks my heart.

OP posts:

LookingForwardto2016 · 27/12/2015 20:29

As others have said, just tell her that you'll always be there for her and she's welcome to come and see you or you could meet for lunch etc.. There's no reason to cut off contact and she will probably end up being a friend for life.

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