Casual relationship - won't accept I want to end it

[bodenbiscuit]

I've been seeing someone on/off for over a year. We are not suitable for each other for a long term relationship for various reasons.

But I find myself thinking about him all the time and so I decided that probably it's best to stop seeing him. So I told him this and he doesn't seem to understand or accept it. He says I'm 'weird', he can't understand why I can't keep on seeing him. I said because I don't want him inside my head all the time and he said 'well what's wrong with that?'. I don't understand why he can't accept that I need to get over him because I don't want to be hung up on him when it can't go anywhere.

You mean I want more generally AF as in it would be better for me to find a suitable relationship? I know I like him more. But I also know it's not right.

The reason it isn't a good thing is that he has a really bad track record of relationships and he upsets people regularly. So although I like him and he has said he likes me I would be in for a world of hurt I think.

OK, then that's what you need to say to him if you talk to him again. Leave out the stuff about liking him and thinking about him. Just say 'I am concerned about your relationship history and it feels like it is becoming more than casual. I'm not prepared to get hurt.'

He will more than likely come back with, I won't hurt you. Your come back is 'I'm not prepared to take that risk'

Well, I think that's reasonable. You don't trust him not to hurt you, so you want to call an end to it.

He doesn't want to call an end to it, because the relationship is currently working for him. He is showing he's not interested in what's good for you (ending the relationship) just what's good for him (keeping it going).

I know people come up with stories about someone who is a bit of a player, finally settling down with "the right person" but I don't blame you for not wanting to take that risk.

You just need to be firm, really.

True, I suppose the thing is that if he really cared about me, he would not call me weird or dismiss my feelings about it.

His primary behaviour is treating people badly in relationships - it's quite possible he's already doing this and you haven't noticed due to the clouding effect of AS. His negative relationship behaviour may even be the hook your stuck on.

Forget what he says - he is not a reliable witness! You know what you need to do, so do it.

When people get dumped, it often hurts their pride.

Most people deal with that themselves, or maybe by posturing to a friend "never liked him anyway, small cock!" or something similarly childish

Other people deal with hurt pride by being rude to the person dumping them. Getting their own back. Like calling them weird.

That's all that is happening here, I think.

Stop over analysing it.

A bloke you don't want to carry on seeing (for good reasons) is hitting out saying you're weird - whatever!

(when I say "whatever", I'm mean - that's what you should say! Not me dismissing your worries myself!)

I know how you're feling, which is like you really want him to not let you go. Despite sying the opposite.

A year is a long time, he's had a lot of time with you so he knows you and knows what he will be missing if he loses you.

This is going to be hard BUT:

1. Walk away
2. Go 60 days NO CONTACT AT ALL
3. After 60 days if he contacts you, reply, meet up and see if he is willing to put his money were his mouth is.

I know how hard this will be to do, but if you can do it you will either end up with him knwoing your valueand committed - or with someone ele who does

x

Thanks for replies. Sleeping with him just keeps him in the forefront of my mind. Since there are not many women who actually agree to long term casual sex (I feel that because I have AS dating properly can be stressful / sharing my house with others so a casual thing is less stressful) I expect he is annoyed because he will not easily be able to find someone as unconventional as me. I actually think he's incapable of emotional closeness anyway.

Longesttime - I've tried to cut him off before - the longest time I managed was 7 weeks but he always pleads for me to come back.

if youre thinking about him all the time, and noone else has measured up in bed, then why not just keep on as you are. maybe he wont hurt you?

Is the reason you can't be with him properly is because he is married or attached?

Branleuse - he reminds me of how my ex husband was when I met him. The relationship didn't work out because he was emotionally unavailable and would refuse to talk anything out with me. This man has many things about him that remind me of ex H,

No, he's not married or attached. But he's never had a relationship ever before.

Maybe you can take a lesson from that, that even if a relationship is casual for you, don't pick men who are like someone from a previous relationship that didn't work? He sounds like a bad choice from the beginning.

People with AS often have good intuition. You have identified him as a poor candidate for a relationship. You realise you are getting hooked. You ended it. Well done.

Now all you need is to do the last bit - no contact! You can do it op!

He is entitled to be upset it is over but not to tell you that you are weird!!
That shows a complete inability to understand that you have your own perspective!!!!

People with AS often don't as well. God I hate this type of generalisation.

Sun - that's exactly what I was thinking. Backintherealworld - I agree with you. It's not possible to generalise about people with ASD.