My Ex still gets into my head and it wears me out.

[Karenthetoadwhisperer]

I am still frightened of my ex and deal with him by way of 'keep your enemies closer' to be able to keep an eye on what he is up to and try and avoid or preempt unpleasant surprises.

The children and I stlll live in the family home which is on the market. They are ok-ish about seeing him, but are not interested in a closer relationship with their father. They are sixteen and eleven years old. Their dad, however, won't leave us alone and relentlessly tries to creep back into our family life. It doesn't help that the house doesn't sell. He thinks I am obligated to him when he buys birthday and Christmas presents for the children or looks after our youngest for a morning when she is ill - I work full time. He does not pay any child maintenance. He has three companies and the CMS are unable to assess him properly. If I don't accommodate his requests to spend time with us, he sends me nasty texts send I just had a series of abusive texts, as I stood my ground and did not invite him to Christmas dinner - he came round in the morning, but I asjed him to leave, in particular after he gave me an unpleasant card.

These texts and accusations really get to me and I cannot get them out of my head. What's the cure for this - it's just an endless series of abuse and beratings!

Happy new year, KB. Onward and upward.

Only just saw you are posting again, all the best for 2016 Karen .

It's still all about control with the ex, isn't it? I had foolishly hoped he would mellow.

He is still abusing. I haven't read every post. But why is he coming into your home ? He can take the children out & do activities with them. He should not be inviting himself in. You can go out & do what you like, you do not need to tell him where you are going, with whom, or why. You should not tell him for example where you are going on holiday... if it's the children, well give them mixed info so that he doesn't get the whole picture.
Change the locks, the estate agent can have a key, doesn't need it. Avoid as much verbal exchange as possible. text only. minimal.
Put the price of the house down a bit to get shot of it, & him.

Happy New Year to you all

I have now blocked him on my iCloud so he can't email nor text me. Hope he won't send emails to my work email. Now he is texting the kids like crazy instead with spontaneous offers for outings - well offering to buy them a pizza won't make up for zero child maintenance and they see this too. So they politely decline his last minute invitations and we usually have plans anyway.

I had a massive argument with him on the phone - after that I decided it's best to block the bastard. He wants to know what I spend my income on - well on the kids! And it is none of his business anyway, whereas his income is definitely my business!

I have informed him that we are not moving out until our settlement agreement has been approved by the court and I can sue him for defaulting on it. I can't take my chances on Toad.

It's massive control Donkeys. We really can't tell him what we do and where we go, or he wants to come. When he then finds out that we were away, he keeps whining and complaining and accuses me of going on 'secret holidays'.

The kids are so fed up with him now. Before Christmas he came all the time and ate our food under the pretext of checking on the kids when I was at work. They don't need a babysitter and especially not Toad. And no end of him complaining that I didn't cook his Christmas dinner that I had shopped for!

Oh and Donkeys Toad did spend some time in jail in the end for assaulting me.

Are you keeping a diary of his contacts and communications? How often he came round, intruded on your privacy and activities?

I must admit, I don't understand why he's still allowed in the house, as I thought a non-mol would have stopped him. I think if he's still harrassing you like this, then you probably have grounds for getting him picked up again. Send him a text/email telling him to leave you alone, and then call the police if he ignores you

KB, I am disgusted that one of ky countrymen is behaving like this to you, and embarrassed that this is your experience of our country.

NoJux I am not keeping any more diaries.

He is not really allowed in the house and he knows this. I was just trying to have a normal separation and give him a chance to have contact with the kids. I thought we could suffer him in small doses. I thought the boundaries were clear after everything that has happened. I have almost hoped that he regrets his behaviour and how he had treated us and would try to be a better father. It would have been nice for the kids to have some sort of acceptable dad who can help out every now and then. I mean - he is not a mass murderer, so I thought there is hope. But I hit the same brick wall time after time after time. There is no hope, there will not be any change and he will always always continue to try and control us, manipulate us and habe some sort of shrewd master plan up his sleeve how to regain control over us.

He does not admit anything that he has done and he is never going to be a better person. He completely denies everything, outright. Even the most recent incidents, to him, it's all stuff that he says I have made up to 'cause trouble'.

He is either very very deranged or just evil.