I am unhappily married. We are not particularly compatible, don't really agree on anything anymore. I want out, and have done for some time.
H doesn't. This is his second marriage, and he would do (just about) anything to avoid another divorce. So he doesn't agree that our marriage is over. Problem is, it's not that he wants to stay married to me, he just doesn't want a divorce.
We have 3 children. All disabled. I am not sure I could cope on my own. But I cannot continue the way we are.
We are away on holiday currently. Our children are small (under 10). He has 2 children from his first marriage, now adults. They are here with us (at my instigation - he didn't think of it). We agreed before we came away (and before my step children were invited) that we would be doing things at a pace our children could cope with (it's an activity holiday - activities suitable for children, but need adjustment for our 3, and they cannot manage a whole load of stuff all at once). When I suggested inviting my step children, I brought this up again, as I realise it is not above or style which might suit everyone. H agreed with me, at that point.
Now we are here, and my step children want to do loads more activities (fine) and want H to go with them. In their words 'it would be a shame to kiss this opportunity, and it would be nice to do this with dad'. Well, yes. Except managing 3x small disabled children on my own, on holiday in a strange place is a non-starter. And so it is t possible. This was talked through with H before we left. But now we are here, and he is in fabulous dad mode, and cannot day 'no'. So it is left to me to be the killjoy, to say no, it's not what we agreed. It's not what works. It just isn't possible. H gets in a strop with me, my step children think I'm a moody arse, and my dc are stressed because everyone around them is stressed.
Tonight, there was a Christmas dinner arranged at the resort. My youngest dc isn't well (nothing serious, but he's only 4, and tired out from excitement of holiday and Christmas, plus he a nasty cough). He fell asleep at 5pm, and I did t want to wake him to go out to the dinner. My middle dc wanted to go, and eldest didn't really want to go, but was a bit hungry. Didn't want took without me though.
I happily volunteered to stay behind with youngest (note H didn't. If I had asked - remember eldest didn't want to go out without me - I expect his solution would have been for us all to go, and I really didn't want to wake youngest up). Anyway, got two dc ready to go, and settled down.
H took them out, and I asked that he bring me back some food and drink. They get back, eldest is quiet and a bit upset (has learning difficulties, and I'm not sure what the issue is - will find out over he next few days as it unfolds/processes). No food or drink for me.
I get all 3 back to bed (them coming in had woken youngest, but not the biggest problem) and H then went straight back out to do an activity which we had planned to all do as a family tomorrow. Youngest overheard where he was going and got upset as wanted to do the activity. I tried to comfort and say we would still go tomorrow, and H said we won't have time (tomorrow is departure day). So upset children all round, and H had buffered off out to do it anyway.
Meaning he will be back late, won't pack, will probably end up sleeping in tomorrow (so guaranteed not to have time to do activity). He's just a selfish arse.
This so long already, but this so just a prime example of how things generally go. I do understand he would like to spend time with his older dc, but he is taking a week in January to do that, so it's not as though that never happens. This was always planned as a holiday for the smaller children, with the bigger ones more than welcome, but at the younger ones pace.
it is the end of the year. Next year needs to be different, but I am not sure if I can manage all the children's needs alone. But staying is not good for me. H disregards most things I say. He is crap with the dc in general (hence eldest coming back upset tonight) expect whe he is playing at being fun dad and spoiling them rotten (although this usually backfires and I end up picking up the pieces).
I can't keep on living this life, but I'm not sure that changing it would end up any better.