DP and bedtimes

[Pigzoom]

Hi
I just need a rant. My DP went to pub after work, totally fine. My DD1 wasn't in bed til midnight last night and has been an absolute nightmare today. I told him they both need to go to bed early. DD1 a defiant 3yo has been screaming and playing me up. I asked DP to help when he got home and he started to help but then came downstairs and said she won't sleep as her body clocks out. I said no she's over tired and needs help relaxing. He said well he'll either leave her upstairs or she can come down. I got pissed off as it means I've got to go up and relax her. He didn't want to do it as he was itching to cook his dinner.
Both my DCs are still awake and now downstairs and I'm upset as I can't get a routine established and I feel hurt by my DP. I hate him and the moment and I wonder if it's normal to hate someone you are in a relationship with.
He said I had bad attitude and I need to sort it out. So I feel that if I don't let her come down or let her cry hysterically upstairs, then I have a bad attitude.
What do any of you insightful bunch think about all this?
TIA

I think he has a bad attitude if he thinks you should leave an overtired 3 year old to scream by herself.
And that he gets to go to the pub and relax and your expected to still look after a toddler whose playing up. He can go to the pub obviously but you should get a bit of time to yourself when he gets back. Letting her come downstairs and play will just make the situation worse the next day, but then again if he expects you to deal with it then that doesn't really effect him so I guess he doesn't care.
im having the same problem with my 2 year old at the moment and I know how exhausting and frustrating it can be trying to reestablish a routine. I also have a boyfriend who fucked up DS's routine because he couldn't be bothered to settle him and took the 'easy at the time' option

I'm glad I'm not going mad. She's now upstairs screaming for me, with him helping her to bed. But I'll have to take over as he's crap. I've persuaded him to get her to bed. He said he switches off when I speak with a certain tone of voice. I've said I'll work on that, just to keep the peace.

I took over and she's calming in her room with music. He's so arrogant it's either his way or the highway. Prick!

Good luck with your 2 yo.

You're maki g a tod for your own back by making up for his shortcomings. I know it's hard but he'll never learn if you don't allow him to suffer the consequences of doing things wrong.

bedtime will be easier if you have a set routine. then everyone knows what is happening and it helps the children wind down. I suggest something like: dinner, short playtime, maybe relaxing short tv programme, bath, pyjamas, milky drink & biscuit, teeth, bedtime story in bed. read the story in a calm, relaxed voice, read a second story in a really slow relaxed manner (you can make it a bit boring if you like), snuggle down, kisses, lights off.

start it quite early with a view to getting it fitted in by the time you ideally want them in bed. their dinner can be quite early to give you more time.

a sticker chart might help reward your 3yo if she is quite motivated by that kind of thing.

if your husband won't help then resolve to do it yourself as much as you can, you know yourself that your children need more sleep. and you need your evening too. it's hard to feel fond of someone when you're at your wits end with tiredness & frustration.

good luck!