Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel like I have to stay with DP cause of my son's SEN

20 replies

Sprinklelights · 21/12/2015 01:49

I know I'm going to get a load of basing for this, but here goes.

My son has SEN, his six, he has severe speech and language problems. Have been with my son's dad for a while, but I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with him. I feel stuck, I feel like our relationship will never progress untill he matures the fuck up. I feel like I have to be with him because my son has SEN and it's so isolating when you have a child with SEN. Also, I'm 25, so it's unlikely that I will meet anyone new and have more kids, so I may as well stay with him.

I have to deal with my son constantly, I don't feel like his dad is there for him. Ok, he sees him once in a while, with a handful of presents, but he wouldn't see his son again till a couple of months later. But then it's ok for him to ask me for sex now and again Confused.

His dad has a job now, and since he has been working full time, he uses this as an excuse as to the reason why he doesn't see his son. I tell him constantly that he has to work around his work life to see his son regularly, but all he tells me is that I don't know how it feels, that he needs the money etc.

I care for my son 24/7, I feel like the dad doesn't help me at all. I feel like our relationship is at a dead end.

We don't live together, I just live with my dad and my son, has issues with my previous housing and looking to be rehoused soon. My son's dad told me that he will see my son regularly once I get my own place, as there's alway an issue between my dad and him. I tell him that he should take his son out, if he doesn't want to see my dad. But then he tells me that it's cold outside...

To be honest, I'm bored with him. I have been speaking to other guys, not sexually at all, but I don't think this is healthy.

I just can't be asked anymore.

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 21/12/2015 01:56

You need to stop having sex with him and offer every other weekend contact. Don't tell him your new address, handover can be done via your Dad.

You can have children for another fifteen years so plenty of time to enjoy yourself. You can find love in your seventies.

Original poster
Sprinklelights · 21/12/2015 01:59

how Thanks, I do offer, but it's the same excuses.

Grin Why does it feel like I will never find love again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sprinklelights · 21/12/2015 02:07

....and if I did live with him, he would be demanding sex constantly and I would end up with six kids, mostly looking after them by myself.

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 21/12/2015 02:11

You need to view a life centered around you like the earth, with your Son like the moon circling around you. The sun is your life. Your baby Daddy is a distant star, not part of your solar system.

Original poster
Sprinklelights · 21/12/2015 02:14

That's a beautiful way to look at it how Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sprinklelights · 21/12/2015 02:17

He used to be abusive to me, maybe that's why my self esteem is low. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Sprinklelights · 21/12/2015 14:15

Bump :)

OP posts:
Claraoswald36 · 21/12/2015 19:05

It sounds like you are separated anyway but have sex occasionally. End it officially what have you got to lose really? I think if you shift this dead weight you will feel 100% better about your situation. You are a single parent anyway - you just won't have the resentment Grin it's win win I promise you Grin

(Single parent of 2 kids for 4 years me)

chewbs · 21/12/2015 19:12

You're getting nothing from this man. You're 25, which is incredibly young. You can and will meet somebody else. You don't need to be with him at all.

ouryve · 21/12/2015 19:18

Why do you have to "stay" with him when you're not even living with him, anyhow? What exactly would change if you didn't?

And 25 is hardly over the hill.

Twinklefuck · 21/12/2015 19:25

25 really is so young, and as hard as it can be with a Sen child I'm sure you're doing brilliant on your own Thanks please end it and in time you'll find someone who appreciates you and dotes on your special little man! You have over a decade to decide whether to have more children, don't stay tied to this man who doesn't seem to take any responsibility for the life he helped to create and regret it in 10 years when you could have a come rely different life by then.

What advice would you give a sister if they were in your position xx

Twinklefuck · 21/12/2015 19:25

*completely different life

Marilynsbigsister · 21/12/2015 19:51

So, you are twenty five. You are willing to accept the bloody crumbs from this arses table. Do you actually realise how low your standards ha e fallen ?. Step up OP !! You need some of my lovely dear late fil's sage and expert advice. ALL that any person need to know about ANY relationship is contained in this Sentence and should be a required mantra in any freedom programme ; "if s/he doesn't worship the ground you walk on, fuck him off."

Original poster
Sprinklelights · 22/12/2015 00:33

Well clara.. we are actually still together.. I know it's a joke.

I feel so broken and messed up after my miscarriage Sad. I didn't say this in my original post as I did not want to add so much detail. I just feel so broken.

OP posts:
Anomaly · 22/12/2015 06:36

You're not together you're the mother of his child and helpfully do all the parenting and as an added bonus offers sex when he sees you.

If he was abusive maybe the freedom programme would help? It sounds likeyou need a bit of therapy because at the moment you're feeling very down. There is time for a new relationship but you need to raise your standards.

Anomaly · 22/12/2015 06:38

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage, again I think you need to seek support. At the same time please do not have another child with this man. I know you probably want to be pregnant again but it really wouldn't be fair as this man is not a good dad.

Original poster
Sprinklelights · 22/12/2015 14:20

Anomaly you are right! and Marilyn, I need to step up, I will not accept that I will have endure this man any longer.

We did not live together as he was abusive, and I guess I wanted him to change before I decided to live with him. I'm now (hopefully) going to move out by early next year and I'm so dreading it, because knowing DS dad, he will take control of my house, would stay there as long as he pleases, beg for sex 24/7 and no way am I going to live with that.

I got with him at 17, and I wasted so many years with him. But I keep hoping that he may someday change.

Anomaly It's funny you said that as I did want another child, to I guess, "replace the existing child" Sad. But I know it wouldn't be fair, and I've always longed to have that family unit I get so jealous when I see "happy families".

OP posts:
Original poster
Sprinklelights · 22/12/2015 14:20

Yep, I'm doing the freedom programme next year.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 22/12/2015 15:14

The best thing is that you don't live with him and have been managing all the care for your DS without him, so it's not like you're going to have to leave him or and not like coping on your own is an unknown. You're doing it all already and this abusive partner is just dragging you down. He will not change for the better so please focus on yourself and your son, take the necessary precautions not to get pregnant by him again (contraception, although it would be better to stop having sex with him) and cut him out of your life, except in terms of access to his DS, if he's grown up enough to want that and to take on his responsibilities. Please take care of yourself. You sound like a great mum and a strong person whose wings got clipped early, but you are still very young and will definitely learn to fly again.

Original poster
Sprinklelights · 22/12/2015 15:41

Thanks pinkdelight. I was on the pill before.... which obviously didn't work and I've got an appointment soon to get the coil fitted, but I don't want to go through with it as it's like I'm just doing having it done, incase I do have sex with DS dad again. Whereas, I should not get the coil fitted and be adamant of not having sex with DS dad again.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page