Can a shrink save a couple??? Please say yes

[brette]

Hello, I rarely post on here but I don't know where to turn to. I have a 2year-old DS with my DP of 15 years whom I met when I was 17 and he was 26. We love each other dearly (I think) but we don't know how to communicate, never knew how to. I am the aggressive one, he is the gentle one, he would say. Or I am the straightforward one, him the passive agressive, as I would say. Cliché. We both come from difficult families and I think this has shaped our way of dealing with each other. I have just started a psychotherapy and I want him to do one as well as I think that he needs to express all the shit he's been bottling up since he was a kid. Am I being too naive and optimistic (he is the pessimistic big time) in thinking it could mark the start of a new beginning? Has anyone done it successfully?

Yes!

You and your DP sound just like me and DH in terms of personality. We have never had couples counselling and we actually get on great most of the time but we have had our bad patches and when we have clashed we clashed badly and I think understanding why is the first step to putting things right.

I am having counselling now alone, and it is having a knock on effect on our relationhsip which I think is just getting better all the time. I find that I tell DH bits about why I think we are the way we are (after a session) and he doesn't say anything but I have been noticing that his negative behavior is improving along with mine.

Hang on in there!

Also Relate is meant to be excellent

Thanks for the hope, Pages, because right now, I feel DP just wants out of the relationship just to stop the conflicts. We have never reached this point before. I even asked him to stay away from the house for a few days as he says he is confused and needs to think but in the past 15 days, this indoor man (sic) has been going out a lot without bothering telling me on more than occasion. I have the feeling he is slowly giving up. But maybe if I change, he will follow too. Thanks for the advice, Hollagirl, but we don't feel going to a Relate centre as I think we need to do some work on ourselves first, individually. But I might be in the wrong on that one. I just hope it is not too late.