Think DP is being unfair but not sure

[Dinobab]

Background:
DS is 2, up until recently I have lived alone with him , it has been hard because for a lot of that time we were away from family and lots of uncertainty about housing.
DP is his dad and we've been together most of that time but he recently moved in.
I had some mental health problems, anxiety, OCD and depression badly the past few months but am improving and waiting for counselling.

So I've been basically slacking on the cleaning front,as in, I'll do it but it will be left to the end of the day, it wouldn't get in a massive state but it would be messy and take me a while to get the motivation.
Without fail DS has clean clothes and dinner sorted and played with and taken out for walks/to the park.

But DP keeps having a go at me and loosing his temper with me and shouting and saying I am sitting around feeling sorry for myself and I can't seem to make him understand that I'm struggling and trying my best.

I know I'm probably hard to live with ATM but I am trying. Sometimes he will do the washing up before I get round to it and say I'm being lazy and waiting for him to do it. I'm not, I intent to do it bit can't find the motivation, I wouldn't care if he didn't do it, I would get around to it I'd rather he did nothing and didn't have a go at me tbh.

He think s imnot being fair and in a way I'm not but I also sort of think he's not being fair, I've done the majority of looking after DS by myself for years and now I'm having problems I don't think it would be the end of the world for him to be supportive and help me a bit more.

This morning got up with DS ( I did yesterday, he isn't working today) but had a massive strop about it, kicked the stairgate in the kitchen then started shouting and saying I was a bad mother etc etc

Don't know how to fix this I just don't have the motivation

The flat is my tennacy and my parents don't have room for us but I am OK about living in my own

You are criticising yourself and defending him.

Try reversing that!

He sounds bad... but he isn't? How doors that work? He's that lovely cup of coffee with a few lumps of shit in it, is he? Never mind, still tastes good, I'm sure.

Doors? Does!

Missfitt- we get working tax credits and some housing benefit and child tax credits but yes he pays for everything.
Can't afford childcare (the month upfront)and he works shifts so difficult to get a job around his but I do want to work, had been difficult to sort out because I was living in temporary accommodation until recently.

Actually not sure shifts is the right word but different days every week

Why did he have a fight with your colleague??

The moment my DH called me a bad mother he'd be out the door.

You haven't made him sound awful. You've just reported some awful things he does, he sounds awful because he is awful

How long has he lived with you op?

And where did he live before moving in?

Qforcucumber- I worked in a bar, me and dp were out for like a staff party and we had an argument because he found an old forum account I'd had when I was something like 14 and was using the things I'd said against me and I was angry because wtf is he even doing spying on me and googling my old usernames, then he got kicked out the bar and somehow ended up in a fight with one of them when we were walking home, can't remember what it was about but the other person punched him first and started the fight.

Hes lived here for about 3 months.

He lived at his mums before moving in.

He sounds AWFUL! sorry but what happiness is he actually bringing to your life? you will be better off without him. He sounds like a shit dad and doesn't support you in any way, think he needs to go back in time and be a 1950's husband by the sounds of it!

Do you want your son seeing how your partner is treating you and thinking that's acceptable? He is only going to make your depression worse. Get rid.

I'm sure there is a nursery out there that will let you pay the fees at the end of the month. I switched my kids childcare from a child-minder to a nursery and the new nursery wanted the fees upfront, I explained I couldn't do this and asked if I could pay at the end of the month and they were brilliant about it. So once your back on your feet and looking for work its something to consider.

Wow - he sounds like a real catch. Abusive to the extent he can't even reign it in when he's in a public situation.

It's natural when people are criticising someone we have invested time and emotion in, to respond by being defensive. Think about why you are feeling defensive? Is it because you don't want to admit to yourself just how awful he is because it might make you feel partly responsible for choosing such a terrible partner? If so, then don't worry, just don't invest any more time or emotion in him, move on, cut your losses, and ensure that you raise your child in a safe environment.

He's being horrible to you.

I can't imagine someone who cared about me treating me like that.

If someone shouted at me especially in the same house as my child they would NOT be living with me any more. It's not okay. Chuck him out, it's your tenancy, don't change that, ask him to leave again.

He isn't a partner of any sort, you have a toddler together, and yet he's sat there up until recently, on his full time wage and not paying rent, watching you and his son live in temporary accommodation, he knows your mental health conditions and kicks off about doing the washing up (and you are apologising for yourself about it?) he can barely change a nappy, bathe his own son and doesn't take him out, yet there you are taking your son to stop over with your mother to "give him a break"? Please. I think your mental health may well be a lot better without being in a "relationship" with this nob end.

He is awful. You're not making him sound awful, you're just describing and he is awful.

You were better off when you lived apart. Do that again.

He is awful.

Chuck him out. Contact CMS. Let him do the EOW dad thing to give you a break. Breathe a sigh of relief.