He arrived home with main presents for my DSC which his ex presumed to buy on our behalf, for us to give them when they arrive on Boxing Day. No discussion, no sign off. She did this last year as well, and it caused friction then too. This year I lost it. They are going back come hell or high water. She can include them in her own pile of presents for them! I have already bought and wrapped the presents we are giving them, as I had also done last year.
Background is that she is a seriously controlling, temperamental bully, who has walked all over DP since the DSC were tiny, and taken huge advantage of him financially. He actually had an awful breakdown a few years ago after years of persistent bullying phone calls - that's more or less stopped but she still hassles him by text sometimes. He doesn't like confrontation. I'm so bloody hurt and angry that she is now forcing herself onto our family Christmas. And I feel completely let down that he took them, rather than returning them and firmly saying "thanks for the thought, but we will choose what we're buying them for Christmas" (we are expected to pay her for these presents, of course). At this point in time I don't care if we have to return the toys to her, and then go to the shop and buy exactly the same things - it is that important to me that she doesn't presume to do this to us.
Am I being completely unreasonable in feeling this is totally intrusive given the history here, and to feel so let down by DP's failure to just stand up to her for once? Rightly or wrongly, it's just made me feel completely irrelevant in the whole scenario (yet again). We've ended up at loggerheads on our youngest's first birthday because of this.
His reaction is that he'll return them and tell her not to do it again, purely because I am so angry - I am now upset because he doesn't seem to 'get' that the significance of this feels much larger to me than it might superficially seem. I don't feel we have a united front about this and that really bothers me.