Sad about lack of relationship with sister

[MigGril]

Title says a lot really I'm sat hear feeling really a bit sorry for my self today. My sister and her family are going away for Christmas which is fine as we don't often see them over Christmas anyway. But it's made me feel very sad about our current relationship or lack of it.

They live close to my dad and his wife, about 200 miles from us. My health makes it difficult for me to travel so we only go about one or twice a year at most. Especially as my stepmother isn't that keen on my DH. My dad will come and visit us hear but in all the years we have lived hear my sister has been once as she says it's too hard work travelling with children.

I think this is just an excuse as they travel all the time with their kids, who are the same age as mine. She even said to me the other night on the phone it's a nine hour fight but it won't be a problem as her to travel well. I think that's what's upset me.

I know I should just get on with it as she won't change. I can't ask her why as any confrontation in our family leads to falling outs and people not speaking for months. But I think it helps to get it written down and it out of my system.

Well, does it need to be a 'confrontation'? Can you just say you'd like to see more of her, and see what she says? Does it need to be face to face contact? I live in a different country to all my family and to the majority of my close friends, so I talk on Skype or on the phone to them far more often than I see them in person. Why not do that, given that it's clearly hard for both of you to travel?

And the other bit I forgot to add to my post she will never ring me either. I have to ring her, it's like she's to busy to both and I do get a bit fed up of chasing her. I don't think I know much about what goes on in her life if it wasn't for my Dad telling me stuff. If I can't get hold of her on the phone she will never ring me back when I leave a message.

Were you ever close?

I had this with my sister and i've just detatched myself from her now. I think if it wasn't for my parents we'd never see each other at all which makes me quite sad and determined to encourage my own DC to have a better relationship.

How about writing how you feel down and sending it to your sister? Do you get on when you do see each other?

I wouldn't say we where inseparable, we fell out like any siblings. But we got on well and I'd say she was a friend's growing up and supported each other after our mum died.

We do have different parenting styles, I didn't go back to work she went back part time. And has always seemed to imply she's just to busy. But I've always accepted that we're different in that.

You could say we are a bit non mainstream hippy is in our parenting and if anything. I found it hard getting our family to understand our choices. Hers have been much more main stream.

It just sounds like you're drifted. I can see why you're upset, particularly about the good travellers comment.

Could you set up a time for a Skype chat? Say how nice it is to see her and ask her about what's going on in her life? I know you've said it's always you that does the phoning but it's obviously bothering you and someone has to make the effort and it won't be her. My DH has a sister like that and when he stopped taking the initiative to see how long it would be before she noticed she never did. He gave in and called her after 10 months or so.

I also wanted to ask why you want to see her so badly, and whether you used to be very close, and had drifted apart - because nothing in your posts suggests a terribly close relationship, now or in the past? You don't say you love her - some of what you say sounds more as if you think you should be close because you're sisters, but she doesn't necessarily share that view, and you're chasing her, but she's not reciprocating?

I'm not close to either of my sisters, though one is a lovely, involved aunt to my son, as much as she can be from another country.

Are you lonely? Do lack close friends and are seeking one in your sister?

Do YOU lack, sorry.

There are lots of sisters that aren't friends.
Do ye have much in common?

I love her very much I'm sorry if that doesn't come across in my post. I'm not good at coming across well in writing, probably one reason why I haven't written to her. We did seem quite close at one point especially after our mum died and initially when we first had our oldest children. Our children are the same sex and similar ages and DD is now old enough to ask why she doesn't see her cousins very often either.

I have quit a few friends hear but have had a lot of health problems the last two years and my dad hasn't even seemed to understand what's wrong with me. My sister I don't know if she even knows as never asks. We don't talk about it, maybe that's what's got me more upset her lack of support. Knowing that she will know as my dad will have told her but that she's still not bothered.

You know thinking it through like this really helps that's what it is that's just it. If I don't respond to anyone being unwell like my dad or her family they wouldn't speck to me for months they wouldn't ring and everyone would fall out (this has only happened once but boy was I made to feel like the worst person in the whole world). But I've been left to cope on my own I know they can't do anything practicality but they haven't even been supportive emotionally. And I had thought we had a reasonably good relationship in the past. But I am left feeling like she's just to busy to bother.

Sorry that does sound a bit like a self wollow, but I've found it hard being ill for so long we don't have family support from in-laws either. So it's me and DH with some help from friends but I'm always reluctant to ask to often as I can't really do anything in return.

Sorry you feel this way op
It does seem like you aren't that close from what you have described. Maybe you are closer to her than she is to you? There's no excuse if she can travel 9 hours but can't make the trip to you especially since all the cousins are the same ages. You mentioned that the family hasn't agreed with your lifestyle choices, do you think this is a reason she keeps away?