Feeling so very low

[WherehaveIgoneto2]

I am looking for some hand holding because I am finding it hard to get through the days.

I just left my partner of 3 years for all the right reasons but I feel so damn low and really, really lonely. I can't eat or sleep very well and have developed strong but, I presume red herring, feelings for a male friend.

I left because both my partner and I were depressed, I am codependent, we had tried being polyamourous and it wasn't working and because in 15 years (since I was 15) I have spent 2 months single. Before him I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years. I have lots of hangover problems from that that I need to work on (mostly low self esteem).

I give every impression of being ok on my own - friends, hobbies, own house, own business, but I am feeling so sad right now and can't see it getting better.

I know I am still young, but I feel tired and pretty hopeless. I have people to talk to but not finding them that helpful.

Old threads are here and here.

^reading back through those though, I wasn't open about my partner's MH at all (it was quite bad and we were making each other worse).

I feel about ten times worse than I did when I wrote either of those. Someone tell me it gets better...

You need RL support, OP. Keeping up a facade whilst you are in distress inside will wear you down. IMO your first port of call should be your GP who will have an understanding of the MH and other issues affecting you.

I don't think you seem in a good enough state to embark on a relationship, right now you need the support of friends and family. Remember they can help just by listening rather that be expected to provide you with solutions.

I have RL support too. I just can't talk to anyone until later today.

Would be good to hear from anyone who has been through something like this.

I am getting the help I need from GP and therapist. Just finding everything too much right now.

Sorry, OP, I forgot to present my credentials. I had low self-esteem as a result of long, abusive relationship with partner with MH issues, yet I was outwardly sociable and successful to a point. I also felt fatigue and sense of hopelessness after so many years.

I sought professional help as you have, but in the end it was really my dialogue with my DM (who is no longer with us) that helped the most.

Thanks. I do have good RL support in the form of friends. My DM just tends to respond with a "pull yourself together" sort of thing.

It's just getting through the next little bits of days at the moment. Working for someone in an office today, and have just managed to balls something up, which is unlike me. Only a week till I have a nice long break for Xmas.

What are his mental health issues and how does that affect things?

I ask because in your earlier threads you say how wonderful he is and that you are breaking up with a good man so it is hard to see what the issues are.

It does sound like you need time to yourself to adjust to being on your own. Don't rush things.

Whenischristmas you are right - I hadn't been clear about that. He is still a good man, but there were a few problems. He has depression and some anger issues (never directed at me) and won't help himself and we had ended up in a victim/rescuer situation with me doing too much for him (at the expense of both of us getting better). I started neglecting myself to try and take care of him, when I really wasn't equipped to. On good days he was/is wonderful.

I did NC and post about his issues when they got really bad on holiday, but don't want to link to them here

I need to spend some time alone, I know that. I just didn't expect to feel quite like I had been punched in the stomach...

Just threw up outside my office. Classy. I won't need to worry about Christmas weight I guess!

Thanks. It's being a very long day. I will be escaping to dinner with supportive friends later, but for now my work isn't distracting me. I didn't realise it was possible to feel this physically ill with anxiety.