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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If only I could "settle"

7 replies

Dinglethedragon · 14/12/2015 21:18

Divorced for 5 yrs, it was the right thing to do, hard, but right for both of us. He has married the OW. I have a good friend, we were all part of the same uni crowd 30+ yrs ago, and he's always been in our lives - my DC adore him, I love him to bits, but I don't fancy him. I have the strongest suspicion that he would like more than "just friends". Why the fuck can't it work like that? We have similar interests, we are great friends, we can talk for hours, we're both single - but the thought of sex ...

OP posts:

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 14/12/2015 21:25

No, no, no, never settle!

I have a very good friend, no one believes we are "just friends" and "I just don't fancy him" doesn't seem to be a good enough reason for them!

But don't ever settle. It's not fair on anyone. Just enjoy your really good friend.

pocketsaviour · 14/12/2015 21:34

Life is way too short to spend it having sex with someone you don't fancy.

MyrtleFox · 14/12/2015 21:37

Well then if you cant picture or face the thought of sex with him, that would be awful!

catsrus · 14/12/2015 21:48

I Know I know I know .. But I keep thinking 'why the fuck don't I fancy him?' He's smart, kind, funny ... We have so much in common, not just our history but our interests - seriously, if you were a matchmaker you're put us together - but chemistry .., nah.

I spoke to my exh today. We disagree on so much, I think he's a wanker, but the chemistry is still there.

Why on earth does that happen? Why be attracted to someone so wrong when someone so right has no attraction at all?

MyrtleFox · 14/12/2015 22:01

Chemistry with your x? That's worrying perhaps.

I feel no chemistry with my x even tho he is a goodlooking man.

tootsietoo · 14/12/2015 22:10

I don't know if you would call it "settling". It's deciding to have sex with someone you really like, and maybe love. It could be a lot better than you expect! You can't have sex for another 30 years with a wanker, but you can with a lovely person who is on your side.

However, once you've done it, if you don't like it, you might have buggered up the friendship a bit!

Intheprocess · 14/12/2015 22:30

Not fair to just give it a go if you think your friend is much keener than you are. Have faced the same situation myself and am pretty certain that my decision to not dtd was the right choice for both of us. We're still great pals fifteen years down the line.

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