please please help me get my shit together

[munkynutts]

I've posted here in various threads under different names re a relationship I've been in which this week I have come to finally understand has been emotionally abusive, incredibly damaging, and all about trying to fix an earlier wound caused by an absent father.

I've been talking it through in therapy for several months now. Now I know I need to take action. My therapist has flagged up the fact that I might be at risk of a nervous breakdown. I'm only in my late twenties!!! I'm an emotional wreck at the moment.

I've gone NC with the guy. My therapist says I need to look after this fragile side of myself and basically nurture it bacl to good health.

Does anybody have any concrete ideas of how I can do this based on their own experience? Also any tips on how to stop obsessing over him?

Thank you in advance.

I'm not good on the obsessing side, but I have learnt about self care. Treat yourself as you would a poorly child. Give yourself lovely hot baths, really healthy nutricious food, get some fresh air and exercise and do things you enjoy.

You need to be gentle with yourself for a while, and pamper yourself as much as you can. Really take your time doing your nails, hair etc, make yourself feel looked after. Wear clothes that are comfortable and make you feel good. Read books that are light and funny, listen to soothing music and watch light entertaining programmes. If you feel like you need a cry it's ok to watch a soppy film and lose yourself in it for a while.

Take some time off work if you can, you are unwell and its ok.

Hope you are ok op. Just bumping your thread to see if anyone else has some advice. it sounds like you have had a really tough time.

Do not look him up on social media. Don't look at his photo and done reminisce. I know it's hard but it will get better. I promise. Be gentle with yourself-find something that makes you happy, whether it's getting your nails done or eating a cookie. Keep your mind busy. I'm sending you a big hug.

Do some simple things you have been meaning to for a while - throw something out, tidy a drawer ...

Read self help book like the Lundy Bancroft one. Go to the Freedom program to make sure you don't make the same mistake again. Go walking. Practise mindfulness and/or yoga. Get loads of sleep if you can manage to. This program works for me. And post on mumsnet, just like you did. We are a supportive community. and hugs

He owes me money too. Not sure/if when I should try and get it back...

depending how much he owes you. Even with legal aid a layer is costly so is it worth it?

Self-care:

• Prepare yourself healthy and nutritious meals.
• Get 8 hours of sleep per night.
• Exercise.
• Spend time outdoors.
• Carve out at least 20 minutes per day to disconnect, eg. meditation or a walk in the park.
• Socialise with people who like you for you.
• Keep your living space sufficiently neat and tidy, as well as your appearance. Show up on time to your job and do at least the minimum required (it's often tempting to let our inner chaos become outer chaos).
• Find a therapist you click with.
• Time with pets or small children is a bonus.
• Pay your bills on time, set up a direct debit if you want.

Obsession-B-Gone!:

• No contact.
• No contact.
• No contact.
• Block from all social media, phones, email.
• Interrupt any mutual friends who want to report news about him, tell them you don't want to hear it, and change the subject.