Is anyone around to talk to me gently?

[Patheticfallacy]

I'm feeling a bit odd. I'm supposed to take anti depressants but I kept forgetting and haven't for a while. I've the most lovely boyfriend who is amazing. I should be happy. I am a lot of the time. I had my work Xmas party on Fri and I drank too much and behaved like an idiot. I remember wanting to talk to random men just for attention. I'd never cheat or anything like that and I always tell my bf things, but I feel ashamed anyway.
I keep thinking he's too good for me, he's going to leave me, I'm horrible and worthless and a drunken fool etc etc. I have this really nasty voice that keeps saying awful things in my mind and I'm all on my own tonight feeling bad

I always found the best way for me to understand my illness and the need for my meds was to think of it scientifically. Depression is a chemical imbalance in exactly the same way as something like diabetes, the meds put the balance right so we feel better, works the same whether we're talking about insulin or AD's. Because we feel better we stop taking the meds and the result is the imbalance comes back so we feel crap again. I learned the hard way that the only way it was safe to come off AD's was gradually so my body had a chance of maintaining some kind of balance, I crashed several times through running out of AD's before I realised I had to put a system in place to renew my prescription in time. A lot of chemists run schemes now to help people who struggle to keep on top of what medications they need, have a chat with your GP or pharmacist and see if they can help you set something up to help you remember. Depression is like any other illness, it needs managing if you want to feel well, hope you can get something sorted and are feeling better soon

I need to keep taking them. I'm calmer on them, definitely

Have you tried moodgym (its an online CBT course) I read something about it online recently and it was highly recommended.

Hi op you sound like you also have anxiety too. I've been fine with mine but this weekend I had my works do too and although I was okay, my hangover ramped up my anxiety. Shakey, scared, bad thoughts about self, feeling vunerable. Can you feel it in your chest as that's where most people say they can feel it and you can def have both.

Tomoro you will feel better. Try and listen to a meditation app there are some great ones on you tube.

Yes I have anxiety. I replay things over and over. Yes it's in my chest. A sort of tight feeling. I keep thinking my lovely bf will dump me because I'm not good enough. I'll take a look at mood gym.

Sometimes I find it hard to accept I have an illness as I can't see it. When I feel ok I think I am OK. When actually it's the medication.

For the future, I'd suggest to avoid alcohol completely when you are out in "public" and don't feel completely safe.
People may look at you funny, I know, there's peer pressure, but you could always say your medication doesn't go well with alcohol.

My bf knows as I told him and he's ok, but I feel absolutely sickened and weirdly a bit violated

That man saw a photo you didn't actually want to show him. It is a good reason to feel violated, I don't think it is "weird".
As a person who has difficulties saying "no" to others even while sober, I do think that colleague is to blame for asking. (Assuming that the photo was not appropriate to show him - as your reaction implies.)

Patheticfallacy that's not that odd as it seems to think that!

But do make sure your meds are taken at the right intervals correct dosing is important I do know that!. Now try to sleep:)

The land of nod is thataway >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> .... zzzzzzzzz...

No one at work knows I have depression. It's not really at all visible. So I wouldn't mention my medication but I could use driving as an excuse.

Yes driving is an excellent excuse:-)

The other thing it's worth remembering is that depression magnifies your behaviour in your own mind. What seems like awful behaviour to you more than likely didn't even register with your workmates, the saying 'we're our own worst critic' is even more true of people who suffer with depression.

Oh how I WISH gp's would make it absolutely clear - that it is a disaster to suddenly stop taking ADs.

You're not the only one who feels OK and thinks they no longer need ADs bcs they're 'better'. It's common. But the dip can be awful, caused not by any underlying mental health issue but by the cessation of what are ultimately psychotropic drugs. Why oh why don't GPs spell this out!

If you want to come off them then slowly grade them down over a period of months. It's the only way. But if you're taking them then do make sure you take them regularly. They are a modern miracle imo (back in the day it was highly addictive tranqs that zonked people out), i'm a big fan. And I'm Mrs do-everything-naturally, usually. But ADs saved my life at one point, no question.

Alcohol is a diuretic and you wee away essential nutrients, esp vit c (feelgood vitamin). Take a multi-vit+min and top up on vit C (it's why people with hangovers want orange juice) - not too much tho or you'll get the runs! I have to say I still don't drink much alcohol bcs the hangovers just aren't worth it - I feel SO low.

Pick yourself up lovely, stay on the ADs, they'll get you back on an even keel in the end. But you have to let them do their work before you start thinking of coming off them - slowly! xx

I'm feeling a bit poorly today but a bit calmer emotionally.

Glad you are feeling calmer OP. Were you able to re-order? I have found in the past that if you make a phone appointment with your GP (which you can usually get on the day instead of being told there's nothing for weeks) and explain what happened, they can leave a prescription at the desk for you to pick up that day. Obviously you shouldn't make a habit of it, but they want to help and they know this does happen quite a lot.

Everyone makes a tit of themselves at office parties, at least once in their lives. I usually make an excuse to avoid them now, I will only go if there is a sit down meal, and I will leave shortly after the food as I find it very boring just sitting around watching other people get drunk! and if I drink too much I know my mood will be awful for a couple of days after.

Thanks pocket. Not yet but I'll do it tomorrow. I am worried I've damaged myself from binging and vomiting at the weekend as I have horrendous heartburn and haven't eaten all day with the pain.

I very much doubt you've damaged yourself, but try to eat sensibly as best you can please:)

Also, stop worrying about that silly office party people have done much worse but do concern yourself with your meds. I have to take a few every day and if i didn't the old ticker would stop ticking take note of springydaffs advice above its very pertinent to your situation.

Please!

Party that should say!!

Ooops thought I'd posted and I hadn't.
It was just a silly party and I'll try to relax. Thank you for being lovely

And don't be up all night thinking and more thinking;!.

Can I make a simple suggestion if i may please?. Try going out and doing some exercise, walking will do fine so your tired at night physically tired and have a hot bath and then relax with some soft mood music that can assist in your condition.