Could just do with someone telling me it will be ok

[wobblywingbatgirl]

Hi, three months after he left me (26 years and 1DC) for a woman at work and her children and I'm having just a really tough night - probably the worst since the early days. Combination of heavy cold so feeling crap, I'm worrying the hell out of my DC as I feel so rubbish and can't shake it. Christmas round the corner and Adele singing that bloody song on X factor. Oh and great - now the sodding macdonakds advert with the woman who looks like the witch he left me for.

I know, it's just a bad night I guess but I feel lonely when I know he's loved up and blissfully happy with his new family. It hurts doesn't it,

Sorry you're feeling so low, to be expected in the circumstances. People always put on the happy act so be cynical about his. And try to make some plans for things you'll enjoy, concentrate on you not him. Easier said than done of course...

Oh Wobbly it's ok (hug).

It's so hard to be going through all this especially at ruddy Christmas time.

You are in the middle of the worst bit, but remember, you won't feel like this forever. You don't have to cope with this forever. You just have to get through the next little while, and just concentrate on breathing, and being, and without you having to do anything, time is passing and gently slowly moving you away from this awful time in your life.

Look, you just got through the last 5 mins - and you are brilliant for doing that. And every few minutes, your life is moving away from that terrible moment when he broke your trust and love. I rather hate trite sayings, but this one has stuck with me as I've been through some rotten times... 'If you're in hell, don't stop! Keep going to the other side'

And who knows what's going to happen after, you have the chance to find a really wonderful partner who absolutely adores you and cares about you, and who would never do what this horrible man has done. I know it's not much consolation but, if you were still with this selfish dickhead he'd be stopping you from having a better and kinder life.

But basically, (hug) and just be kind to yourself.

I understand the loneliness and hating this time of year. Believe me you're not the only one.
But remember this can be a new start for you if you choose it to be. Get out there, make new friends and hobbies and get some therapy. Therapy is lovely!
You'll be okay. Women are equipped to survive and then thrive, believe me.

Rumred - thank you, you're right about being cynical, perhaps I should try that as I picture them as the macdonakds advert - with her three children all singing Xmas carols.

Flamingo, miscellaneous, thank you for your amazing words - sometimes it just takes a few lines to pick us up, brush us down and carry on forthwith!
X

The Xmas ads are the worst. Truly sickly mawkish rubbish. But I know from bitter experience how they can feel like a judgement on you- a bit like look! These are normal happy families and you're not!

Find your inner scrooge x

It's the worst time of year to feel like you do. It will get better, it does get better.

I cried my way through Xmas 2008, I was on the phone to the Samaritans on 23rd Dec 2008 and they were there for me. I cried through the first 6 month of 2009 and then gradually I began to feel ok, by the next Xmas I was stronger and it got better and better. You will get better, it will get easier. Keep on keeping on. Do it for you do it for the DC.

You will be fine. It does get easier honestly x Ignore the adverts, think of the reality. He will be in a house with argueing kids who he can't discipline, whereas you are in your nice calm home with your dc .
Start a list of what you want to do in the New Year for you. Im going to do the same.
Have a hug to keep you going x

It hurts like hell but it WILL be ok, Wobbly - hang on in there and everything will resolve itself. You will reach an accomodation with the hand fate has dealt you and the life you lead in future will be far more fulfilling than the one you led previously.

But that is all to come. In the meantime take good physical care of yourself and don't fret if you give way to tears of hopelessness on occasion as it's all part of the learning curve that is life's rich pattern.

Make your mantra 'all things must pass' and your tears of sadness will turn to ones of joy sooner than you may currently think is possible.

And you have a child who cares about you. I already like you better than that tosser and I don't even know you.

Thanks you guys - its true, the mumsnet bunch are pretty amazing x