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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Emotional affair - it's driving me insane!

15 replies

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 07:37

So it comes to light that dp has been having an emotional affair. It came to light he was very friendly with ow after me finding an email. In my opinion it was inappropriate for him to tell her he loved her, he was upset and said purely friends etc. I find nothing more - don't get me wrong I'm sure he has been in contact with her. I question dp about her - he tells me that she's such a good friend I then usually get the hump and so he moans at me that this is why he didn't tell me about her.

Things haven't been great for the past few years between me and dp - I love him but he tells me I don't make the effort. I work non stop and have dc to look after so yes I have probably slacked a bit.

So last week I look at his phone and sure enough a couple of txt in a few hrs telling her he loves and misses her. Again I confront him and he says yes he does but purely as a friend. He will carry on being very good friends with her. He said that he does delete all his txt and when I say this is purely because he has something to hide he disagrees. I feel so rubbish at the moment about it all, I really don't know what to do - can't sleep etc and eldest dc noticed I'm quiet etx.

We had a big chat and he was relieved we could talk about her - it's just made me feel worse.

I suggested we go our separate ways and he reckons he's not going any where and he would fight for joint custody. I really don't know what to do. I need to be in our house for work reasons. My family really are a no go but I can't go on feel like this.

Sorry for the rant

OP posts:

wannabestressfree · 13/12/2015 07:39

Let him fight..... He would be gone If it were me.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 13/12/2015 07:40

Well yes he is definitely having an affair. By the way you need to report your thread as its in the wrong section.

Original poster

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 07:44

Sorry guys - on iPad and clicked wrong section!

OP posts:

bearleftmonkeyright · 13/12/2015 07:51

Yes let him fight, he is going to wear you down to nothing if this continues. And he says you are not making an effort? My God, he is unbelievable.

bearleftmonkeyright · 13/12/2015 07:53

Report the thread OP and ask for it to be moved to relationships. You will get loads of advice there.

Original poster

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 11:55

Thanks guys.mive asked for thread to be moved but not been moved yet.
Def getting completely worn down, if only I could transfer my job and go then i would

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 13/12/2015 13:00

What's your housing situation like? You can't be expected to put up with living with him like this. Why can't he go and live with her, if he's so keen on her?

Original poster

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 13:21

We rent. I'd move out but if I move out then I've got no work. I have to work from home. Tenancy if both names and he won't go. Don't know what to do. It's driving me mad, I can't carry on like this

OP posts:

MNHQ

BeccaMumsnet · 13/12/2015 13:52

Hi all - we're going to pop this over to Relationships now.

Original poster

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 14:31

Thank you

OP posts:

TangledUpInGin · 13/12/2015 14:40

My ex did this. I divorced him because of it. He's telling another woman he loves her for gods sake!!! I don't buy the just friends bollocks. The fact my ex was telling another woman (married in her case) that he loved her whilst married to me was enough for me to end it. My ex refused to cut contact so I had no other choice but to end it. I'm bloody glad I did too - my self esteem was in tatters because of it. It's hard sometimes on your own, but playing second fiddle to a third person in your marriage is far harder.

Original poster

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 14:55

I know I would but how do I get him to go. He's playing games and doing what he wants. I'm obviously upset & he's not caring!
But at same time he will not move out. I'm not sure how I can make him??

OP posts:

scarlets · 13/12/2015 15:29

I think that you should see a solicitor about your rights asap. Take screen prints of the messages if possible.

mintoil · 13/12/2015 15:38

Agree you will need to see a solicitor. Things like who gets to live where are usually resolved as part of divorce settlement.

Once he realises you are serious he may just leave anyway. Is OW married?

Original poster

seriouslywtf · 13/12/2015 15:44

I've got screen shot from the other day but that's it & now he's too clever to keep anything for me to find. As I confronted him about it & texts the other day were only left as he forgot to delete.
Not sure when meant to see a solicitor - work full time (no lunch breaks/dentist apts that I can use) maybe I can call someone & ask them.
Just feel so sad. To be fair we were drifting apart but this is prob why. Feel so rubbish

OP posts:

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