Any advice on how to find love that isn't love yourself! Googling generates nothing but love yourself first! I didn't look for love until I was ready.

[ChippyOikInTinsel]

That's just it really. The entire internet, and all it seems to offer me in the way of advice is love yourself first. I'd never want to stick around anybody who treated me badly, so that's not the issue here.

Just wondering if anybody had anything a little more appropriate for a woman (in her mid forties) who does love herself but doesn't meet men in real life.

By the way, I've done internet dating and it's too soon to give up. But soon enough to see a pattern emerging. The pattern is that I weed out the weirdos and only meet up with very nice men but in actual fact they're treading water with me until they can find a younger more attractive version of me. How can I break this pattern?

it's not accurate to say most men are looking for younger women because the majority can't 'get' a much younger woman, I suppose they might not chhose to commit to a woman who ism't much younger if that's what want only, but they still go out/have relationships with realistic prospects in the end.

Otoh there are many men who don't care about the age and are more about mental connection. Men are not all confident about their physical abilities/sex drive to go for someone much younger! Plus NICE men want soulmates believe it or not, many say so on dating sites and these ones never put ridiculous age gaps in their criteria. So it's unfair to generalise.

Also for balance, younger men approach older women quite a bit, not for marriage - but so what? not all women are after marriage, some of these last - but obv not those who want kids. If an older man ONLY wants a woman in her 20s/eraly 30s that's usually because he still wants kods, and that's fair enough obv.

But I do agree with others that it is something of a wasteland once you get above 30

This isn't my experience, as an over-30 year old. I have had quite a few approaches by men younger than me. Most of them are very decent, attractive men too.

I do think it helps to avoid online dating.

I did OLD and after a while (of being hit on by men much older than me) I expanded my pool to younger men. It really worked for me as I met my DP.

Oh I was 39 at the time.

Out of curiosity how old is too old? What gap do you all prefer? I was 42 when I was OLD and had set my upper limit to 55.

Dione, did you approach then? and how much younger? Did hey have kids already?

I'd say 10yrs either way is fine by me, dona. Older limit is actually higher if a man is youthful.

youthful in outlook especially.

My OH is 9 years older than me and my friend who is in the same age practically ripped me a new one saying that is why there aren't any men in her age group!

He contacted me first. He's 3 years younger and has no DCs. We have since discovered that he cannot have any, something that he had previously suspected. I have 1 DS.

Dione, great that you fit together well. I think I might try out the younger man idea.

chippy yes, that's exctly it. I went out with someone for a few months earlier this year. I've never clicked with anyone like it. We were finishing each other's sentences on the first date, her wasn't 'perfect', but was definitely a very good fit for me and said the same about me.

Unfortunately, I ended it when he was constantly on the look out for someone younger.

He told me he'd had to "come to terms with" the idea that he'd no longer be able to attract a younger woman and would have to consider someone "older". He considered me to be an "older woman". I was a year younger than him.

I'm 40. I am youthful. I don't dress like a 'sensible grown up' (or at least, not like the mums who live round by me), I am youthful in my outlook and attitude (according to my teenage son). My upper age limit is dependent on them being similar to me.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was retiring as I was still 15/20 years away because our lives would be in different places.

Good luck OP.

ChippyOikInTinsel

Be honest and be yourself. There do seem to be a lot weirdoes about who send dick pics etc. (what the hell is that all about?) however there are also a lot of sincere people too. The whole OLD thing is utterly exhausting you need to do it in cope-able with chunks, however as others have said it is a numbers game and you can have a fair amount of fun along the way. Stick at it though I met an absolutely smashing girl on the Sunday Times site she was 42 I was 47, I had an 18 &17 year old at the time so was not looking to meet anyone that might want more so my minimum age limit was 38 maximum 50 - I met a 42 year old with two kids and we just clicked, we were engaged within a month and have been blissfully married for the last 5 years. I am now finding myself grateful my ExW cheated on me as I didn't realise that marriage could be this much fun...

The moral of the story is keep at it you may be less than a day away from meeting the man of your dreams.

wow your optimism is amazing! But you're a man. Well, you're a man, not but you're a man. I am honest and I am myself. I'm long past trying to make somebody like some fake version of me because I know that who I really am is pretty good.

Good advice to do a bit of dating then take a break. I'd never get engaged, never mind within a month! but I@m glad it worked out for you.

Thanks Dione, that really worked out for you! Glad to read of it.

folkgirl his loss. I hope he's not having much luck. I didn't get so close to one man like you did (very hard) but met two men who thought along the same lines.

Lol, I gave up OLD as so many men are after much younger women. Found the attention was most at 37, at 39 - I suspected that some were already assuming I'd knocked a few years off. By 40 I'd gone back to 38 ;-). I always came clean about that on first meeting though, and non seemed to mind that, after all, I was in good shape and could easily pass for younger. Glad to have nothing to do with OLD these days.
Met someone through a social group - a far better way, I'd recommend that. The worst that can happen is you have fun doing days/evenings out so why not try that?