how blatent are your parents/ILs about the fact they're only interested in the grandchildren and not you?

[wannaBeOnTopOfTheChristmasTree]

since ds' birth 4 years ago, my mum has made it fairly obvious that she's really only interested in seeing him, i.e. turning up to see him 5 mins before his nap, and letting herself out the door as I'm on my way up the stairs with him, ringing to ask "how's my baby", never coming round until he had finished napping (when a baby) and so the list goes on. But she was a bit put out when they came to visit out of nowhere recently and I asked if something was up because she only ever comes to see ds.

So we've been invited round their house for boxing day. Haven't decided yet whether we're going as dh has to work the next day (getting up at 5:30) and he wants to spend some time at home with just us (he's going to visit his nan in a home on the Saturday, then round my mum's on Christmas eve, parents coming over for Christmas day). So I said that I'd tell her iminently what we'd planned to which she replied, "oh it doesn't really matter, if you don't want to come, just send ds, as long as I get to see him that's all that matters". She's deadly serious about it.

so, anyone else have parents who are like this? and if so how obvious do they make it?

Oh yes my MIL & FIL adore my ds's.

Especially dS1, they call us once every 2 weeks to see if he is going to their house at weekend, they don't phone at all if they know he is busy.

They sometimes drop in "Oh and DS2 can come too, if you want"!!

They have clothes through at their house for him, and change him when he goes out with them to restuarants etc. even though I send through perfectly nice clothes for him.

Very strange.... I could go on and on and on ...

Mine aren't interested in me OR the grandchildren. A whole other thread methinks.....

my MIL doesnt even ask how i am now on the phone just 'hows my boy?' I quite like it- takes the heat of me. Apparently my mum is like that with my sister about her daughter - she is my mums 1st and favourite grandchild so she still askes me how i am sometimes!!

i really dont care about this. Think they are just enjoying their grandchildren

my FIL invites dh and the girls around for tea every monday

says it all really

mine arent interested in either...

my ex-partners parents however are a different story.ds1 goes over every saturday and wednesday after school, and they equally adore each other.

ds2 has not got the same biological father, and still they invite him over too!

my parents dont do anything!

I know my parents are only interested in my kids because my mum tells me so just the same as when we were small and she always told me she preferred my brothers to me!! Sad woman

She isnt so keen on mine now that my Bro has some kids too!

I've been told I can leave home, but DS has to stay!!!!! tempting.....

It's one of the reasons I eventually made the decision to break with my mother for good. She made it very obvious that she had no feelings for me whatsoever, I was a total stranger to her at best (and a poisonous enemy at worst) - but that I had no right to deny her access to HER grandchildren.

My parents are DS crazy, not surprising really when I am an only and they had given up hope of grandchildren.

We went to stay with them for two nights and as we left they were going, Bye Bye rookiebaby, lovely having you here, come back any time you want, no mention of me of course.

They do it in a really sweet way though so I don't mind.

I had to phone my mother abd tell her she was a disgrace of a grandmother and that DD1 didn't even know who she was! She had only visited us 4 times since DD2 was born either. I said it was up to her whether she wanted a relationship with the DDs or not.

MIL is even worse she last saw them about October I think.

My parents clearly adore ds and want to see him over and above me. They aleays want to see him if they can. I really don't find this a problem, I thik it is quite sweet really. My mother does say 'I like to see you too you know' but it is usually an after thought

My mother is great - loves DS but it's pretty clear I'm still number one . My ILs however... before DS was born DH once said to them (only semi-joking!) 'oh we know you won't be bothered about us once the baby's here'. They didn't deny it. And now it's absolutely clear that DH and I come a long way down the list after DS, although MIL does occasionally say things like 'oh we love you all' - throwing us a sop I call it! Like Rookie's parents though, they do it in a really sweet way and are always keen to help - and even follow our rules about food/behaviour etc - so it doesn't really bother me. Mind you, if my mum was like that, I think it might grate a little!

my dad met us off the train (journey of 400 miles) and didn't bother to say hi to me just his grandson!! ha ha

Yes, my ILs are absolutely 1000% only interested in their grandchildren - to the point of obsession. I wish they'd calm down.

But I guess it also means they focus on the children and I don't have to listen to MIL bitch about various relatives or FIL being too clever by half.

They're very intense with all their grandchildren which is a bit much. DS backs off a lot from the staring closely into his eyes and constant slobbering. He's only 20 months! I sometimes wonder if I should step in and tell MIL to back off or he'll get cross-eyed!

My mum's much more normal and relaxed. She's got time for everyone and isn't obsessed with anyone or anyone's child.

Hi

Well my family live 450 miles away and tbh have so many grandkids now that they aren't overly bothered about DD, in laws on the other hand are totally obsessed (DD is their 1st grandchild and DH is the only one that will have kids out of his 4 siblings). MIL and FIL often phone to see when they will be seeing DD (I have to take her over there, they both drive but prefer to see her in their home), and when they babysit they can't get us out of the house quick enough. I think MIL is very strange with DD, her two daughters behave very intensly as well, often they have pictures together (the two sisters, MIL and DD).

The inlaws have made it perfectly clear that they only want to see DD and don't really have anything to say to me, part of me understands but another part just wishes I could move down south near my family and friends as we're tied over a barrel - DH wont let anyone else babysit.

You have my sympathies.

It isn't my parents or MIL, but my nan!

My MIL has out-and-out told me that she's not interested in me, just in dd.

Although even her interest in dd is very fleeting.

Me & my mum both dote on dd and tolerate each other mainly for her sake!

Sometimes I think your parents realise they goofed with their own kids and try to get it right with the grandchildren to make amends!

It hurts my feelings a bit that my mum clearly prefers my dd to me, but hey, I'm an adult so I have to recognise that that situation is down to me as much as to her. And it's lovely for dd to have a doting grandma!

My mum rings my eldest DS on his mobile and he goes over there every sunday for his roast dinner. She often tells him she loves him too yet she's never once said that to me.

My Mum often kisses both ds's goodbye and gets halfway out the door and then says "Oh I nearly forgot Mummy!". We all laugh about it though, I love the fact that they have someone like her in their life, she was a great Mum to me and she's a fantastic granny.
My Dad however used to over compensate with them for being a such a crap dad to me, which used to wind me up quite a lot.

i think most gp's probably are slightly more interested in gc than us, which can be overbearing. my fil will rush upto ds saying hello and totally ignore my dh & i, i just let them get on with it as i can't wait to see the back of them (generally inl's and my mum, my dad is ok) most of the time.
if my inl's were as blatent as to say we only want to see gc and that they haven't really got anything to say to me, i would be very cross and hurt that they were trying to exclude me and not want to see us as a family.
i would want my husband to talk to them and would certainly have my friends to babysit rather than them all the time.
i would limit the times i visited them, my husband & i take it in turns with parents they visit us then we visit them as a family not separately.
i know sometimes it can be difficult with inl's, mine are most of the time, but your feeling are very important for your wellbeing and the happiness of your family

My MIL couldn't wait to come to DS's first sports day......to see dh in the parents' race! Grrrrrrrrr.

Oh, some of these posts are really sad. This is all alien to me, haven't had my baby yet which will be first granchild on both sides. My parents mean the world to me and my mum has said time again, 'your baby will always be loved by us no matter what - but YOU are MY baby and always will be. I will always love bean, but you still come first in my eyes cause you are mine and always will be'. Ooooh, that's got me all teary thinking about it, flippin hormones!
My ex's parents (beans daddy) well there just another story, god knows what they'll be like. I'm expecting court orders by the dozen from his mother to take bean away from me so she can have him/her all to herself! She's a bit - strange. So do sympathise with others who have awkward il's!

It's the complete lack of acknowledgement that I am DS's mother. That I carried him, I nursed him, that DH and I are his main carers etc. I feel this is a lack of respect.

I think that's what upsets a lot of parents. Well, it annoys me anyway.

It's like we're blanked - PIL would like to imagine we simply aren't in the picture.

It's weird, as if they want to be parents all over again and they regard us as merely surrogates who get in the way of their rectifying the mistakes they made bringing up their own children.

I love to hear about grandparents who tell their children they love them still and that they are their babies and always will be. And these grandparents who cherish their grandchildren as grandchildren. That to me seems a natural order of things. I'm so grateful my parents are balanced in this way.

My parents love to see all of us although with my Mum, it's more that she wants it on her terms (when I asked last year if they could look after DDs while I went for an antenatal scan, they said they could with 10 weeks notice, then 3 weeks before, arranged other things so they couldn't).

My ILs, well, I've ranted here before about them! If I say they only visit to see DH and at their last visit, FIL didn't say a single word (not even a hello or goodbye) to me or the children, and went and sat in our conservatory by himself, that sums up what he's like. The world revolves around them and their Son. The children are just "entertainment" who do cute things at their visits.