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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

relatives 500 miles away - dilemma - please advise.

4 replies

persephonesnape · 13/12/2006 14:13

Advice and/or just plain sympathy wanted please! J

I?m a single mother of three. My ex partner sees the children, but doesn?t contribute any maintenance as he isn?t working. I work full time but have no savings and find it difficult to see the month through. I live in Scotland, near my ex and his parents ( who do try to help me out with some cash and taking the kids for the odd weekend/school holidays etc) but I?m originally from London. My mum died fifteen years ago and never met her grandchildren and I never knew my father. I do have some relatives in London ? cousins of my mum, who I more or less lost touch with after my mum died. I?ve recently been in contact with some of my family members through e-mail, which is going well ? some of them have children the same ages of my children. I?ve been invited to go down for a few days with the kids at the end of December ? and I would dearly love to, but there are a few things stopping me ? I?d like your opinions J

I haven?t seen any of the family in at least ten years. We visited briefly when my daughter was 1. I?m a bit scared of what they will think about what the years have done to me ? my kids can be also occasionally be a bit of a handful ? (like most kids I guess) although they are generally well behaved.

I also can?t afford to go and I?m wary of saying so. I?m grateful for what we have - and I do work hard for it. My kids understand that they get a £30-ish present for xmas and that?s it, but my family all live in big houses and go on holidays etc . I?m dreading them all being dripping in I-pods etc and my kids being ungracious in comparison. I could save up enough for a good trip given time, but i really don?t want to tell my family that are in such a financial guddle.

I?ve said no for xmas because the kids will be seeing their grandparents and it?s a bit much to expect them to be on their best behaviour with all the excitement of Christmas. I then got an invitation for February ? I probably won?t have saved enough to go at that point either. I am terribly homesick and want to see my family, I also want to take the kids to their grannys grave and take them to where I grew up.

What do people think? And what would be the very cheapest way of getting me and three children to London. How do I prepare the kids for relatives they?ve never met? And deflect any ?but so-and-so-has-a-computer-in-her-room? (actually I know the answer to the last one, 'it?s because I'm your mum and I say no!? )

Thanks for advice in advance.

OP posts:
wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 13/12/2006 14:18

How old are your children? I wouldn't worry about the comparisions by the children. They must have friends who are comparitively well off, mustn't they? So I think you should definitely go because it sounds like you want to. I think your main issue is about funding the trip. So work out a budget and take it from there. Would Easter be more realistic?

sunnysideup · 13/12/2006 15:16

persephone, it sounds a good idea to get in touch with your side of the family, and it will be very good for your kids to add that side of things to their sense of identity and family. So go for it and do not worry at all about how your kids will be perceived or how they'll pereive others who have more material stuff than they do - I expect you'll all be too busy having fun and getting to know eachother to worry; I think this stuff is more what you worry about before the event, and it pales into insignificance at the time.

Why not sit down and work out how much you can save each week or month, and how much you'd need for the trip? Then you can either agree on Feb, or set another date suitable to you.

Go for it!

PortAndLemonaid · 13/12/2006 15:36

Goto thetrainline.com and try details of your journey -- put it in as a return and then when it comes up with the results choose the "two singles may be cheaper option". If you buy a Family Railcard for £20 you could travel for around £90 return for all of you, so £110 altogether.

The coach nationalexpress.com might work out about £10 cheaper overall (if you bought a 1 plus 1 Family Coachcard) but it'd be at least a 10 hour journey each way.

geordiemacmincepie · 13/12/2006 15:48

www.megabus.com

Assuming you live near Glasgow or Edinburgh you can get 3 rtn tickets to London for about £50 if you book early enough... ok its not great on the bus, but if you get a later night bus then the kids might sleep?

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