Can you help?

[jellyjiggles]

Posting for traffic.

I need some help with some decisions. My head isn't working well.

Where to start! I'm out of work but looking. I'm at home all day with my dd who is 2, I've an older school ages ds. DH and I been together for nearly 20 years, married over 10. Generally we get on ok. I've a history of depression and anxiety. DH works 10-12 hours each day but he's then home. He's on anti depressants due to his work stress.

I'm back on anti depressants as of 5-6 weeks ago. Reason being I was hoping to be working but I'm not. I'm bored stiff at home with kids all day. We've had years of stress from close family illness/death, our own redundancy, sick dc etc which continues. My mood is low my anxiety high, my self esteem is none existent!

Reason I'm posting is I'm feeling a bit lost. I've no sex drive at all and want to be left alone. I get next to no time on my own. In fact last night was the first 2 hours on my own for months! I loved it.

My anxiety is high and I'm worried my marriage is going to end. I have nothing to give my husband but he wants emotional support, intimacy etc but I feel invaded. I can't talk to him because he's in a bad place. His dad's dying of cancer as well so I feel terribly guilty and am draining myself of everything for him. In fact everyone is draining from me!

I have no self worth, my confidence is going the longer I'm out of work and the more I worry about dh, my lack of physical contact (I want space).

I'm dreading Christmas as I don't feel like I'm worth it. People will give me things and I don't deserve them.

I get little if no rest bite from the kids or DH. Dd isn't in nursery. I do all school runs, homework etc with ds.

I have no time for hobbys or friends.

I'm lost, I'm depressed, I'm worried about my marriage as I can't stand to be touched. I can't remember what I used to enjoy. Money is very tight so we can't afford any extra expenses than day to day existing.

I've never been so lost. I don't know how to pull myself out of this.

When do you see your GP again?

I don't but I'm thinking of going back this week to talk to them

Asked to be moved to relationships.

That sounds like a good idea jelly. Do it before the holidays.

From what you've posted, your depressed and anxious and can't see the wood for the trees in terms of how you get your way out.

After 5-6 weeks, an effective anti depressant should have helped you feel a bit less overwhelmed, depressed and anxious, so that it may be that you need a different one or a higher dose.

But, yes, definitely go back. It may even be that the medication is contributing to your low mood and anxiety, so don't continue to take something that isn't helping you (but also don't suddenly stop taking it).

Ive upped my meds as of yesterday. I did it myself but need to go back to GP to tell them. I know I can btw.The pills are helping calm me down but I have seriously bad days and extreme anxiety. I have no reason to be this anxious! I can understand why I'm fed up.

I'm dreading the school holidays. The kids are arguing and already being a complete pain. DH is off work so I'm about to be surrounded by people and I need to play happy families.