When you love your partner but not in love?

[Babz27]

Hi, Wondering if anyone else feels the same? Was with my partner for 9 years (were currently taking a break at the moment) a year after our son was born (he is now 5) I started a fling with a work colleague (no sexton involved), things weren't great at home but that's no excuse. I will regret this forever! I came cleaback & told my partner last year, I couldn't live with the guilt & it was affecting our relationship. In time he completely forgave me. I think I've realised & now told him I love him but not in love with him I.e I don't get butterflies etc. Hemail said neither did he & nobody does after time. I think it's cause I fell for this other person & the situation but just really love my partner that I feel so awful for it. I'm very affectionate to him, kiss him, always tell him I love him & cuddle loads, I don'the have any sext drive (never have) but don't mind having sex. I guess I'm thinking about how I should be/feel that I forget to be in the now? Anyone else the same? X

I'm no expert at good relationships (haha!) but would not set much store by the lack of butterflies. Not every relationship needs those after time.

But it sounds like you need a lot longer to decide what's next for you so I wouldn't rush in to getting back together.

Are you still talking about things?

Well since I said that to him on Thursday which he also agreed he felt the same etc he hasn't spoken to me properly again since x

So you had an affair and he forgave you and now you are taking a break from each other?

It sounds as if you have some unresolved issues that need addressing so you might want to consider counselling if you want the relationship to work.

That said, it seems strange that you say you have no sex drive. Perhaps he just doesn't do it for you? In which case he's probably not the man for you.

To be honest I've never had a sex drive so I don't really think too much about that. I just know he has a very high sex drive, it's something we have always bickered about. I enjoy foreplay just not really interested in sex if that makes sense? I am the one with the issues definitely, he's very laid back where as I'm on anther planet. If someone is to text or say something in the wrong way I worry about it for hours on end. I struggle a lot to be in the now. I think cause I am off work at the moment I have too much time to think which doesn't help.