read his emails and...

[isitabigdeal]

my DF left his emails open, so i had a look, realllly bad i know, but hey..

anyway he sent his mate an email saying how we had set a date for our wedding he said hes 'feeling a bit wary though'

this has knocked me for 6! he tells me everyday how much he loves me, weve been together almost 7 years have kids together,

i would NEVER have thought he felt like this

now im worried he doesnt want to get married

i love him so much and i know hw loves me too

oh bless you- i think it was just him being blokey - like he has to say it (IYKWIM) i think either forget about it or admit you read his emails and you felt hurt at what he'd written but really I dont think you have much to worry about

i know, thats what i thought,

but to see it written down just makes me sad,

gues its my own fault for snooping, lol

i remember years ago me and OH were travelling in brazil and i read his emails after he had left the internet cafe we were in and he had written an email to his mates saying that brazillian women were the most gorgeous in the world and he was in heaven - i was so upset and we had a huge row. He was being a silly lad and i was feeling insecure. Now i realise that but at the time i was devastated!

Also, blokes can just be wary of the whole Wedding thing rather than of getting married. So even if he isn't just saying what's expected of him as a bloke he may just be worried that now you've set a date you're going to be bringing home armfuls of napkin samples in almost-but-not-quite identical shades and expecting him to have an opinion, or that your mother will want to hire Westminster Abbey and have twenty-seven bridesmaids.

i just looked again,

and one of the girls from his work has emailed him, saying 'hi, sophie gave me your email so i can bother you'

sophies some hirl at work he used to talk about alot, till i freaked,

i cant see if hes replied as he doesnt save sent messages,

but he mustve given his email to 'sophie'

and why is this girl getting his email from her???

he doesnt work in an office or the kind of job where he has to give out emails at all (works in a shop)

am i just on a para trip??

hes the only male in a shop of 30+ women

That sounds like not too much to worry about - I don't think blokes like admitting to one another that they actually love someone and want to commit - it's just not cool! I probably would say something though as otherwise it's going to play on your mind, but if were you I wouldn't be too confrontational about to avoid a defensive response....I'd go down the route you've gone down here - more that you're a bit hurt and confused than angry or annoyed. Good luck

ive been in the shop, but couldnt put names to faces, ect

i just dont like the fact hes handing out his email to women, when theres no need to, iykwim

I'm sure that ALL men are "wary" of the big weddign fiasco - it's a bloody nightmare. That doesn't mean he is wary of being MARRIED to you. He is probably wary of the whole meringue thing.

Re. girls at work - sounds like he's just being sociable, that's fine. STOP READING HIS EMAILS NOW!

I would have to admit to reading his emails and mention all of the things that are concerning you.
He won't really be able to make a big deal of you reading them when you pull the 'wary' card out!
Thats just me though!

When are you getting married? I love my dp, we have 2 children, have been together 14 years, but in the months before our wedding I was feeling very wary..! It's natural to start getting a few jitters - doesn't mean he doesn't love you! And I get and send e-mails to men/women (whatever! ) - doesn't mean I'm having affairs/fancy them etc.

Maybe you've got slight subconscious jitters as well and it's making you a bit more sensitive to stuff like this? Keep talking to your dp (although I personally wouldn't tell him I'd been reading his e-mails) and see if you can suss out whether he's got worries about the wedding itself/changes it might bring etc.

Firstly, I think you need to seriously question where your relationship is going if you are that insecure that you feel the need to spy on your partner and read his emails. Unless you had very good reason not to trust him, and you had to read emails to confirm that trust, there is no excuce for prying into his private emails ? he is entitled to a bit of privacy. If a poster posted on here saying that her partner had been reading her emails there would be outcry, with peple saying he has no right to read her personal mail etc.

Secondly, I think that wedding nerves are perfectly normal, doesn?t mean he doesn?t love you, but could be afraid of all that having a wedding involves ? having your family as inlaws/having to make a groom speech/having to choose the menu/possibly fall out with the family over the guest list etc.

As for the email from the girl, just because he is with you, doesn?t mean he?s not allowed to have female friends, having you in his life does not mean that he shouldn?t be talking to/emailing other females as long as it?s just friendship. I have lots of male friends, most of whom I was at school with, but I would be very upset if my dh told me I wasn?t allowed to maintain contact with them because I was now with him.

You need to sit down and have a talk about how you feel about each other, because you clearly have some issues as well and these need to be dealt with before you get married. And stop reading his emails, now.

I wouldn't worry about him saying he was "wary" - what you've read is something he's written, not necessarily something he feels or means...that is the bite in the ass you get for reading his emails in the first place. I only say this because its something I've done and felt ashamed for doing, and talked to DH about who pointed out the obvious:

when you read other people's emails you're only gettting an insight into what they put in emails, not necessarily the whole story...

it does sound like his co-worker fancies a bit of a private flirt over email - and perhaps that does need addressing, but remember its potentially HER pursuing him, not the other way around!