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Original poster

jury opinions

12 replies

Squashybanana · 02/12/2015 20:04

I don't think my DH is having an affair.
He has a colleague over from a foreign office where he has often worked in the past. He is 'the boss' and likes to be liked. He always says how hospitable the people at that office are when he is there, taking him out for dinner etc (men and women)
When this female married colleague arrived (younger woman by about 10 years) he went to pick her up at the airport and drove er to her flat, took her to the supermarket etc which I thought was rather over egging the pudding. He then had to go out for drinks and meals with these colleagues. One occasion was v inconvenient so he changed the day and went to the pub. After he let slip that it was just him and the female coworker out for a drink. He has had several nights out with them since and on Sunday she rang with a problem with her internet and he went around to help her, took her to the supermarket to buy the part she needed. I was a bit pissy and said she was a grown up and couldn't she buy her own part rather than have him leave me and the kids for a couple of hours on the weekend and he said she wasn't very computer savvy and needed help. He brought me flowers when he came home (this isn't that unusual and confirms he did go to the supermarket). He has been particularly affectionate of late, telling me frequently how much he loves me.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had let his mind wander but I don't think he's having an affair. He is out tonight with work, again.

Am I being naive or is he just being a nice helpful boss?

OP posts:
MummyZELC · 02/12/2015 20:05

Did you ever doubt his fidelity before this woman arrived on the scene?

gatewalker · 02/12/2015 20:07

I think you're being naive, Squashy - especially if you're asking us to choose between "naive" and "nice helpful boss".

Would he be like this with a man? If not, then why not?

Original poster
Squashybanana · 02/12/2015 20:15

Mummyzelc, no. We have been together since teens. 20 years. He is and always has been v loving, no change in his behaviour.

OP posts:
ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 20:15

hmm, I think he's bending over backwards for her. Collecting her from the airport is ridiculous nearly. and most men don't care if a colleague is computer savvy or not. None of the men I work with have ever tried to help me with any of the things I can't do!!! I'm very nice to all of them but I'm in my 40s.
I don't think your h sounds like he's having an affair but he does need to think about how much he would do for a colleague if that colleague were an older fat man and he needs to be really honest with himself and not give more just because the colleauge is young and attractive. Consistency... Or he'll end up looking foolish. If I were his wife, I'd be worried that I'd end up losing respect for him because he'd made himself look a bit foolish.

ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 20:19

yes, I agree with gatewalker, if the colleague were an older male he wouldn't collect him from the airport. He chose to do that for the younger female colleague. There's nothing 'naive' about that. From her point of view, somebody offered her a lift to where she was going and she said 'ok thank you''. I don't see any other evidence that she's talking him in to it. So gateway is right, it's not naivety. He is choosing to please her, do favours for her, spend time with her, alone (in the car). His choice.

Justaboy · 02/12/2015 20:20

"He has been particularly affectionate of late, telling me frequently how much he loves me".

Humm .. that's the bit that's more worrying than all else put together!.

Any chance of meeting her like asking him to ask her around to meet his family that should be "interesting" if he will do that;!

Original poster
Squashybanana · 02/12/2015 20:24

He already did pop round with her, dropping his car off on their way out somewhere. I was feeding the kids their tea so didn't have much time to meet and greet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Squashybanana · 02/12/2015 20:26

He says he has to be so nice because the people in the foreign office always are so helpful and friendly when he goes (I think, they would, wouldn't they, as he us the boss!)

OP posts:
ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 20:26

There's no point meeting her. She's not the point. She's sufficiently attractive that the H is going out of his way to do things for her.

I'd warn him that if he doesn't identify that line between appropriate and inappropriate you will lose all respect for him. Losing respect for a man is a terrible passion killer ime.

ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 20:30

He is the boss, he could give somebody else the task of collecting her from the airport.

The worrying thing for you is that this isn't obvious to him. He's making it so obvious to her, to his colleagues here, to his colleagues abroad that he's bending over so far backwards to please her that his back is going to break. I can't believe he went off at the weekend to help her do a grocery shop! Again, would he have helped a man with that. Would he even have been aware that the male colleague was struggling with the grocery shop Confused

If I were you I wouldn't ask to meet her !!!!!!

Justaboy · 02/12/2015 20:31

Perhaps she should to embarrass him in front of her!

ChippyOik · 02/12/2015 20:34

Um..... I wouldn't race to do that OP.

I'd just privately let him know that inappropriate behaviour is NOTICED. By colleagues, by the younger woman, and most importantly of all, by his wife. Does he actually want to lose your respect?

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