So confused - is it him - or me?

[Lharlieandcola]

I've posted about him before (NC'd now). We've been together a couple of years.

My friends worry that he's controlling. But he loves me more than anyone else ever has. Though he expects a lot in return.

We've been rowing so much recently - well into the night - and then I'm so tired, I just can't sleep.

I feel like I'm going crazy - and I can't stop crying. I just want a break and some space away from it all. But, for him, it's all or nothing.

And I'm so worried that if he goes, I'll regret it forever. I know how difficult it is to meet a decent, loyal man at my (grand) age.

Also, I have a track record for being very bad at relationships. It seems like I always want what I can't have.

Please advise me. Though I don't really know what I'm asking for. He tells me I need help. I just wonder if I need him gone.

And most importantly, I have my DC to think of. (Not his - but they get on very, very well) Do I stay together for their sake??

He's at best, controlling. Your friends can see it in real life and you're being told the same in here too. What more do you need?

His version of 'helping you through it' would be further trying to mould and control him into being his bitch.

You do know it's ok to leave a relationship that's not working for you, you don't need to justify it by classing him as abusive.

"He could be 90per cent nice and still be a fucking psychopath."

Well said hillfarmer!

OP, google "shit coffee" or "poo coffee" (unless somebody has a link - I don't, and my phone is about to die). Great analogy.

I agree that he sounds at best controlling. He may be very loving, affectionate etc, but he thinks he has a right to set the terms of your social life, your sex life, your plans etc. He basically thinks he owns you. You clearly are uncomfortable with this and feel stifled by it, you need to listen to those feelings as opposed to pushing them under the carpet.

I think this is maybe more to do with him than me.

You got it right the first time op. Freudian slip!

Do the Freedom Programme. Like, as soon as. Click 'find a course' on the Freedom Programme site (linked above), email the facilitator who should get back to you within the week. Go along. 12 sessions, rolling programme - wonderful, couldn't recommend it highly enough. It'll clear your head.