Ladies- I need some serious talking to. Long story which i'll try to keep as brief as possible...
Exh who I was with for 15 years left me for a younger woman he worked with. I clung to him like a pathetic limpet for a year whilst he lied & minimalised. Started as them being 'just friends', then admitted it had 'happened once but meant nothing'....I wanted to believe him & when I finally discovered it had been going on for much longer and loads of his colleagues knew I was devastated. Two young dc's and a man I thought I'd grow old with. That was eight years ago and in the interim period I've had a handful of short term relationships and in every case they've either lied about themselves or had 'issues'
The last one four years ago was the brother of a friend. On the outside a nice professional single dad. The second time I slept with him he revealed (without warning) he liked strangulation & I nearly passed out. It was horrible. I'm now a seriously screwed up woman. I have a great job I enjoy, two great nearly-adult dc's a nice house and lots of lovely friends. I've also just started seeing a lovely man who is in a similar position to me. But my self confidence is gone.I just don't believe for one second he can possibly find me attractive. I look for every small sign that he has lost interest in me, analyse every text to look for a hidden sub-text, replay every conversation in my head. I look at other women and ask myself why he would want me when all these others are slimmer/ prettier/ younger than me.We have an amazing time together & (apologies if tmi) the sex is the best I've ever had. He literally makes my stomach flip. It's doing my head in. I think I hide it quite well & manage to appear cool & calm...but I should be enjoying this and I can't. How can I sort myself out? I know it's ridiculous but I almost feel like I'd be better on my own forever & then no man will ever hurt me again. Advice/talk some sense in to me please?