Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Battle between parents at Christmas

13 replies

frillybiscuits · 01/12/2015 10:47

I think I might have posted about this before briefly but it's got worse and I'm torn between what to do.

Before moving out I always spent Christmas Day with my mum and my dad would visit in the morning to exchange presents. Last year I spent it with my exOH and friends. Now OH and I have split up my mum assumes I'll spend Christmas Day with her and her boyfriend. I have arranged to spend Christmas Day with my dad which is 2 hours away. I said I would go see my mum in the morning and then he would pick me up. I told my mum this and she got very angry. Calling him selfish for expecting me to spend Christmas with him because I'll be 33 weeks pregnant and it'll be 'too dangerous' and 'too much' for me . She said she won't bother buying presents for me or baby if I don't go to hers. The whole thing is really childish and I don't know how to spend Christmas without causing tension

OP posts:

QueenofallIsee · 01/12/2015 10:49

As soon as someone gives me an ultimatum, I do the precise opposite. You are a grown woman, do what YOU want to do for Xmas and sod your Mothers amateur dramatics..so what if she sulks and doesn't get a gift

Arfarfanarf · 01/12/2015 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coffeeisnectar · 01/12/2015 10:57

That sounds very childish of your mum. If she wants to see you then she should be happy you are willing to split the day.

Bearing in mind that next year you might not go at all then she needs to grow up a bit.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/12/2015 11:16

Your mother assumed wrongly.

She is blaming you because you have chosen to spend the day with someone she detests with all her being i.e. your dad.

Do not reward her bad behaviour at all by visiting her or apologising because you have nothing to apologise for.

Is she prone to such histrionics in any event?. Has her man encouraged this behaviour?. What is he like?. You do not need her presents, infact if she is prone to such nasty behaviour anyway I would keep your child well away from her.

LyndaNotLinda · 01/12/2015 11:21

I was going to type out a long post but it would just say what everyone else has.

Don't reward this type of manipulative behaviour.

magoria · 01/12/2015 11:26

Make your stand now before the baby is here so that she knows that you will not be blackmailed with the threats she makes towards you and the baby in future.

Otherwise you will be stuck in this cycle going forwards with your DC used to punish you for not doing what your mother wants.

Joysmum · 01/12/2015 11:59

Id cut your mum some slack in how you deal with this. Whilst those posting a hardline approach before me have got a good point, I'd give one last opportunities butt for her to back down. If she doesn't she doesn't but you'll have tried

She's reacted very badly because she's hurt. You can email, text or in person acknowledge that you understand her hurt and also explain that you're finding it hard too etc etc and need her to remember that and that you feel torn which is stressful for you and are doing the best you can to keep everyone happy.

As I said, if she can then appreciate this and back down then all's well and good, if she can't THEN you take the hard line as others before me have been quick to express.

GashleyCrumbTiny · 01/12/2015 14:00

What they all said.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 01/12/2015 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helloitsme15 · 01/12/2015 14:08

So she is saying if you don't do as you are told there will be no Xmas presents?! How old does she think you are?! 3?

Nanofone · 01/12/2015 14:21

She may be hurt, but her response is completely unreasonable. Hopefully she'll realise this once she's calmed down and be happy to go along with your plans. If not, you should politely stand your ground and not give way to her manipulative behaviour.

LyndaNotLinda · 01/12/2015 14:26

Someone who says that they won't buy a present for their own child and their grandchild if they don't spend the whole of Christmas day with them doesn't deserve kindness.

There's simply no excuse for a grown up to behave like this

mintoil · 01/12/2015 19:17

Does she have form for being so awful and controlling?

I am divorced and leave it up to my adult DD where she spends Christmas Day ( and any other day!) This year she is spending the day mostly with me and then going to see her dad in the evening. It wouldn't worry me if she told me she was spending all day with him, even though I would like to see her on Christmas Day, it's up to her and it's not worth getting upset over.

I certainly wouldn't be throwing my toys out of the pram and refusing to buy people presents unless they did as they were told.

She sounds pretty spiteful and childish.

Flip