What to do?

[tryingtohelpout]

I'm posting this on behalf of my Sister because she can't, she's having trouble with her DH and she doesn't know what to do.

Basically all their arguments come down to sex. Every few weeks he gets in a mood with her and she eventually gets it out of him that it's because of sex. The recurring thing is that when they moved into their house it needed a lot of renovation, during this time she didn't initiate sex and because of that he thinks she needs to make it up to him 10 years later.

They argued today because he says she never makes an effort sexually. Previous arguments have been because her underwear wasn't sexy enough on a weekend away, she wears a dressing gown in the morning before getting ready for work and isn't making enough of an effort, he doesn't want granny sex (sex in bed).

It's all bizarre to me, poor Dp is lucky if he gets it at all and if he told me that i wasn't sexy enough he knows where the door is.

I'll be sending her a link to this thread but i don't know if she will be able to post.

She does make an effort but what ever she does isn't good enough for him. She does want to have sex with him but he says she doesn't iniate it enough, when she does iniate it most of the time he turns her down. Then he moans he doesn't get enough sex.

He is deliberately fucking with her mind and self esteem.

Why can't she post for herself?

She can't post easily from home so I offered.

Why can't she post from home ? You are being cagey about that.

She doesn't have internet at home and only has a limited amount of data with her phone package. I don't think he would be too impressed if he found out she was posting either. She also doesn't have a mn account and I do so it was easier for me to post.

I am guessing she is not secure that DH doesn't check all her devices.

he certainly sounds like a controlling, mind-games-playing, bully.

It's more because of your second sentence then ?

In that case hesterton nailed it IMO.

Either he doesn't want sex. Or he doesn't want sex with her. (I think it's the latter). Instead of confronting his own issues, he's putting them all in her. It's an exceptionally cruel thing to do. It has two aims.

1. to make him feel better
2. to put her down enough that her confidence erodes and she never stops to think about what the issue with him is and instead ties herself up in knots trying to please him. Very sad really.

Quite possible any.

Then she is an abusive relationship. Who holds the purse strings ?

I'm not sure about that. They both work full time. As far as I know she has her own money.