So I wish I'd married a woman...

[VersoWassailWassail]

... (pace alternative thread-posters) because my DH gets in and it's 'what's for dinner' and then DD does a nappy so he goes (very new-man-ish) to change it but as I'm cleaning the bathroom he shouts my name and I don't hear I don't hear I don't hear but then I do and she has runny pooed all over his trews and her shirt and her vest and the table and what the hell am I going to do about it? so I pick up the clothes and our washer's on the blink so to save them going in the sink or a plastic bag to ferment I wash them out by hand kneeling over the bath and my elbows dripping and then it's 'what's for dinner' so I make her dinner and put her to bed and then the next day he's dressing and the button pops off his shirt and he's huffing and puffing and I don't know what to say but I ask anyway and find myself getting the thread and needle because it's easier to sew the button back on than iron another shirt...

I honestly have just got to the point where I don't want the dds to live on chips and suchlike. I don't want them to wear bizarre combos of clothes that make them look odd. I can't make dh work by my rules, so I just take it all on myself.

Mind you, I will not do this for him, just for them.

LOL will pour G&Ts for anyone who wants 'em. God, I wish I hadn't missed the last meet-up!

FWIW the sex is better than I ever had with a woman... but I sometimes think I never met the right woman!

That's it: I don't do anything much, really, for DP but I do do stuff for the kids. I turn up to their carol services and school play. I remember DD1's PE kits and her parties. I will pick them up tomorrow. A lot of this is profoundly wearing - and has a direct impact on my working hours, for instance - but I am in a not unusual position for doing it.

We don't really do negotiation.

But hang on, why do WOMEN decide it's THEIR responsibility? Why aren't they demanding that men do their bloody share? Men make children too, why don't they take equal responsibility for bringing them up?

Xenia - I know you're right, in a way, and thank you for your honesty. I just wish it wasn't so, kind-of

But it's not bloody fair is it MI? (not personal criticism of anyone) but it isn't. Why tf should it be down to women to be In Charge of house and childrens things as well as work etc? Tis all bollocks.

But I speak as one who has argued long and hard about it and whose husband will probably leave her in 10 years time for a surrendered wife or such like. Oh well.

ooh www I am jealous!!! 50%?! erk! How do you measure it? or don't you measure?

Maybe that is true love... to not measure it... hmmm

but the weird thing is I never set out to be 'in charge' of anything... it's just (see my original post) that circumstances defeat him and I end up making things ok... smoothing things over... whatever

Am sure Germaine Greer would be v cross with me at this point... but I am cross with her for never going through with the whole hetero baby thing (unless my sources are deceiving me)

He does, really. I worked away for 6 months and he looked after them, bloody well. He can look after both of them as well as I can. He was a sahd for dd for a year. He cooks, he cleans, he shops. He accepts that I will scream if I think I've changed one too many bloody loo rolls because it is not my job. He works and does 50% of everything. But I do shout loud and long and as I said, he will probably leave me for some girly girl who will lick his shoes.

He will SO NOT leave you for some ditsy shoe-licking harlot, www. Blimey.

You have it made, my girl! R E S P E C T !

VWW, thanks for the sex advice btw. Grass is greener and all that.

I think that it is true love - for the dc. I actually think that I have a more unconditional love than dh for the dc, for better or for worse.

Maybe it is just different priorities, but I think I do care about the little things, whereas he doesn't?

I don't think it's fair (have emailed you btw). DP would argue he does more than the quarter I think he does, but he'd concede that I pick up more than he does. Working from home doesn't help with this - I'm the one around to do drop-off and can spare (ha!) an hour for a school play and so on...

...but I nearly killed him when he told me last week that 'we had different attitudes to work' (I'd suggested he phone someone about some domestic stuff from work).

Sorry: am clearly hijacking thread with my own woes.

Vero, don't mind me. I'm probably just jealous I don't have a man of any kind. I thin kthe main thing is not to nag. Just either accept thing or nicely leave it to the other person to do in their own way. My ex husband had his own way of stacking the dishwasher and used to get so cross when I did it wrongly. Does it really matter how people do things?

wot me? Sex advice? thanks vvv! I am very happy but do wonder if I am hard to live with on account of Going On About Things!

My sister's gay and her pertner treats her exactly like this. She is the wifey and her partner is basically the man! Makes you wonder what the point is, being gay...

I don't mind being in charge at home. I'm a control freak & like things done my way. Dh goes off to a job he hates & loathes every day & in turn, I take care of the "boring" stuff. The only thing I really enjoy on the domestic front is cooking. And playing with the dc. The rest is a slog & what's worse, I don't get a salary for it & certainly not much respect. Housewife, hah! But I have a BFA & a teaching degree so I'm not stupid either. At least I don't think I am. Maybe being a mother, wife is stupid but it's actually vital. So there. rant over.

And it would be the same if dh was dw, tbh.

No no MI, sorry if I sound stroppy, do feel free to mention own woes! Apologies for any snippiness on this thread, will shut up now...

Sorry www, misunderstanding - I was thanking Vero for her sex advice (ie women not necessarily better than men).

But feel free to chip in in that respect, am always on the lookout for new ideas.....